Re: Sonnet 3 (Farewell my muse) by Schlinkey	27-Nov-06/2:26 PM
I'd cut a few of the commas and replace them with alternative punctuation - purely for presentation. Other than that I enjoyed this, although I rarely like seeing the dummy auxiliary 'do' used, even in a classical style. If it's possible to edit that out, it might be worthwhile.
Re: Raising the nap by howl	27-Nov-06/2:23 PM
'Slow as the creep of soil' is a really nice image. Does 'teas' want an apostrophe?
Re: a comment on Sonnet 2 (Eulogy for a clerk) by Schlinkey	27-Nov-06/2:18 PM
There's nothing wrong with internal rhymes - same as with end-rhymes - so long as they're consistent. I wouldn't worry about the English pronunciation; most English have forgotten it too.
Re: Journey To The Centre Of The Loom by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	27-Nov-06/2:16 PM
I eagerly await 'Around the Loom in Eighty Days'
Re: Sonnet 2 (Eulogy for a clerk) by Schlinkey	27-Nov-06/1:57 PM
Another very readable sonnet, although again I'm unconvinced by the initial internal rhyming - it sets up an expectation that isn't carried through. It needs punctuation after each quote in order to satisfy the grammar nazi, and over here 'clerk' is pronounced 'clark' which screws up your final rhyme, but that's not really an issue. 'Almond eyes' is really good, conjures up cyanide connotations (works well with the death), and the last two lines are well worked.
Re: a comment on She dreams by amanda_dcosta	26-Nov-06/5:01 AM
Much better
Re: a comment on Instruction by Dovina	26-Nov-06/5:00 AM
Update - make that a whole essay on Derrida. I'm such a nerd.
Re: a comment on Instruction by Dovina	26-Nov-06/1:50 AM
I don't have anything particularly recent to post except for half an essay on Derrida. Poetry websites seem to have sucked the life out of me. I am still around though, whenever there's anything worth commenting on.
Re: Sonnet 1 (Nevermore - The last sonnet) by Schlinkey	25-Nov-06/2:05 PM
The double rhyme of spoiled and soiled is distracting, the rest is very readable.
Re: In sickness and in health by Schlinkey	25-Nov-06/2:03 PM
Good villanelle.
Re: Instruction by Dovina	25-Nov-06/2:02 PM
'I'd rather do those things/when future world was kind' - tense consistency? Other than that, this is grand. You should live the Ray Mears life.
Re: She dreams by amanda_dcosta	25-Nov-06/1:59 PM
Excellent except for 'of oaks and pines and firs growing tall' - rhythm's out and I'd rather see another way of describing them rather than as being tall. But this is one of your best, without a doubt.
Re: For China by Fear of Garbage	16-Nov-06/11:28 AM
Aside from 'gloppy', this is excellent
Re: Street Talkers (Amnesiac) by Fear of Garbage	16-Nov-06/11:19 AM
'He keeps babies hugged inside his hollowed bowels' is a -=Dark_Angel=- line if ever I heard one.
Re: Just words by aliena	15-Nov-06/6:55 AM
Fair enough. You might want line 12 to be 'because today I wanted to create' - just to keep tense consistency with the line after.
Re: Three Worlds by Dovina	14-Nov-06/5:43 AM
'Weasel doing in the goose'? That's too much Brixton at 3am for me. Either that, or it means something which I dread to imagine. Stanza 4 is really good. I'm surprised that you didn't include the recurring images (river/brook, weasel/goose, sun) in stanza 2 though. Line 9 misses the rhythm - could do with fixing. The rhymes work well though.
Re: a comment on Dovina & Co by amanda_dcosta	10-Nov-06/3:31 AM
Not so bad, thanks. It's essay time again which means that theoretically I'm in every night working hard (hahaha). I'm going to have to decide what to do next year pretty soon though...
Re: Accusation by INTRANSIT	8-Nov-06/11:04 AM
This is good
Re: a comment on Dovina & Co by amanda_dcosta	8-Nov-06/11:03 AM
Nice to see you about again - how was the holiday?
Re: a comment on Dovina & Co by amanda_dcosta	8-Nov-06/11:03 AM
Remember: throat is for up, bowels are for down.