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Raising the nap (Free verse) by howl His teas in a barrow
Loaded on one wheel like sod,
He coughs as he pushes it forward.
It is early morning
But he is a long way from the market
And slow as the creep
Of soil. It is raining,
He places a tea towel on his barrow
And drives on scattering
The robins and wrens.
He is the small man with an Eskimo lung
And it is already afternoon
Before he pitches up and drops
His hat and mumbles and smiles
And makes enough for a woollen fleece
By the end of it.
Up the ladder:
If David Biespiel Wrote A Haiku
Down the ladder:
Just today
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.25
Posted: November 26, 2006 2:10 PM PST; Last modified: November 26, 2006 2:10 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.029801 Overall Rank: 7352 Comments:
[6]
Dovina @ 12.72.37.46
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26-Nov-06/6:12 PM
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Reply
"pushes it forward" in the first verse tells me to stop reading. The idea isn't bad, but too many words and discontinuous thought.
[n/a]
howl @ 81.179.116.59
> Dovina
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27-Nov-06/2:03 AM
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Reply
what do you mean re 'pushing it forward'?
'Slow as the creep of soil' is a really nice image. Does 'teas' want an apostrophe?
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