Re: The Final Night by xXxDemonicAngelxXx	5-Mar-06/10:19 AM
I quite liked this, although I admit that I skimmed over the repeated verses. The subject was dealt with quite well - I'd be interested to see what you could do by rewriting this, but not in first-person. The final message is good, but I read this with the constant longing for a bit more detail, a bit more description. Still, good stuff.
Re: A HANGMAN'S MOANING by Dhanesh M Kumar	5-Mar-06/10:22 AM
Not bad at all, although it could do with a little more punctuation - 'agonized faces many I have seen' needs to be something like '...faces - many I have seen'. And so on. I wasn't sure about the penultimate line but I do like the final line being the first line repeated.
Re: Lick up your ears by Dental Panic	5-Mar-06/10:25 AM
I love 'virtuoso sluggish grater', a drunk trying to say 'guitar', always amusing. This is very good indeed!
Re: Sarah's Song by wilco	5-Mar-06/11:01 AM
Something caught in the back of my throat.
Re: Portals to you by Caducus	6-Mar-06/10:58 AM
Nice, I'm tempted to suggest that you get rid of 'are' at the end of each opening line, maybe keep in in stanza 3 (at the start of line 2). Other than that, very pleasant!
Re: The King Of Loserville by mindsigns	6-Mar-06/11:00 AM
'Some think I should get laid' would fit better.
Re: The Bait by Dhanesh M Kumar	6-Mar-06/11:04 AM
Personally I'd replace 'smooch' with something else, and 'The holder often/enthralls with proud/while...' doesn't make sense - perhaps 'enthralled with pride', or something like that. Other than that, not bad.
Re: my girl's day [tri-ku] by lmp	6-Mar-06/11:07 AM
Nice enough, although as you'd emphasised morning and evening, I'd like to see the second haiku have a 'midday' theme, just to complete the set. It would also give you scope to put a little more imagery in the second one; in comparison with the others it is lacking somewhat at the moment.
Re: The Ocean by Fayt	6-Mar-06/11:09 AM
I hate to say it but you're a syllable over. Change 'water' to 'spray', perhaps, that would fix it.
Re: Seawards by ecargo	6-Mar-06/11:11 AM
This absolutely raced past - with the exception of the last line, did you mean for it to slow down there?
Re: Eagledale Drive by matt door	7-Mar-06/4:13 AM
Nice!
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Mar-06/4:18 AM
Car crash as an orchestra? This is fucking awesome! The only thing that even slightly grated was 'quaintly', but let's face it - this is too good for being pedantic. Lines 9 to 11 are incredible (I think 'staff' should be 'stave', but I assume the former is the American spelling.) Killer ending too!
Re: Piano by Dovina	7-Mar-06/4:24 AM
Yes, yes, yes...needs fine tuning (oh dear I didn't even realise how bad a pun that was until after I said it...) but this could be on its way to greatness.
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Mar-06/4:29 AM
Last four lines I liked.
Re: Brethren, oblivion is not the road to the city Ataraxis II by SupremeDreamer	7-Mar-06/9:38 AM
Chunky...well I honestly am going to have to come back to this later (I've already read it twice and still missed a load of what's in there). It reads quickly like it ought to be angry prose. Personally I'd prefer to see you not use "'n", mainly because it gets awkward to spit out fast - "reason 'n..." has to become "reasonun", which sounds awful. As I said, I'll return and (maybe) have something useful to say, until then have a seven as a mark of the fact that I was actually interested enough to read this twice.
Re: Seawards by ecargo	7-Mar-06/9:42 AM
I'm not sure what's changed...ergo I re-grace you with a nine.
Re: Whom I Adore by Hawaiian Lust	7-Mar-06/12:44 PM
Welcome to poemranker! The poem -- It's a very sweet sentiment; I'm genuinely glad that you have someone to write about - and long may it last. However, poetically this is in for some criticism. It is a typical 'first post' on poemranker (mine was no better), and as you look round at other poems here you will see that the rhymes have been used a million times before. I have absolutely no doubt that the rhymes are original to you - we all start somewhere - but if you want the reader to sit up and pay attention to what you're saying you will need to find something new, something vividly interesting. 'You/true', 'tears/fears', 'love/above' in particular feature in probably 75 percent of rhyming poetry. The trick is to let your imagination run riot; invent new metaphors (allegorical writing gets you bonus points every time), new ways of looking at a situation. I've found that just writing free verse is the best way of starting at this; it allows you to write without constraining yourself too much to metre and rhyme. Another point specific to this poem is that it opens with you addressing one person, but you then turn to the rest of us and start talking to us about him. Keep some consistency to it; personally I wouldn't include the first stanza. Also - this is a universal suggestion - try to limit the amount of pronouns you use. Especially if you want to write something to which the reader can relate, it doesn't help if you say 'I' every line (it gets a bit tedious to read as well). Okay, so I've given a bit of critique (which I hope will be of use to you), now let me tell you what I liked in here. 'Tough love for my own sake' is good, stanza 11 is quite pretty, and stanzas 7 and 8 put a smile on my face. So anyway, with any luck what I've said will be helpful; have a read round here - look at some of the top poems on the site and draw inspiration from the ideas and styles. It will be worth it!
Re: Read me by mystic enoch	7-Mar-06/2:50 PM
I've read you. And I think that you could write yourself more effectively. Let me explain. You have nobody to share your thoughts with - therefore you write poetry as a means of sharing them. This is a good start. Yet it could, poetically speaking, get so much better from there onwards. Try writing this in metaphor. Don't write it from the first person; as it stands you are spoonfeeding the reader this whereas you want to make said reader think about what you're saying. It's quite tricky for me to explain what I mean without writing your poem out for you - but I've tried something similar (although with a different purpose) in my 'Struggling Poet's Lament'. Basically, I want to read about you, but I want it to be a game of hide-and-seek rather than just seeing you straight away. Does that make sense? If not, I'll try and rephrase what I said. 7...you're doing okay :)
Re: Wish You Were Here by mystic enoch	7-Mar-06/2:57 PM
I actually quite like this...not original, but sweet nonetheless. As Mr. M. Stipe once said, sweetness follows. PS - Bollocks to Internet Exploder for repeatedly screwing up as I'm posting comments...
Re: Man Enough For Me by mystic enoch	7-Mar-06/3:05 PM
You're looking for an IKEA flat-packed, six-packed, self-assemble insta-chap. Sadly they went off the production line shortly after market research revealed that they didn't actually exist. Scientific theory now suggests that you go for a slightly more tricky option and grow one. You don't have to grow him from scratch, but even the finest specimen requires a little personal cultivation. It might not be quick and convenient, but I'm sure it'll be more rewarding in the long run. We're not all totally useless though, honest.