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The Final Night (Free verse) by xXxDemonicAngelxXx
The murdering will start soon, And soon you all will see, How effective hatred is, And what it did to me. The day of doom is upon us. The final night has dawned. The massacre has already started, My family was first to fall. I run from this mistake. Hoping to make it right. Searching for my friends to fall on, Until that final night. I go to them, Hoping they’ll take me in. Only then do I realize how alone I really am, And let the real massacre begin. The day of doom is upon us. The final night has dawned. The massacre has already started, My family was first to fall. I cry in agony, Knowing what I have done. The murdering has now started, And it’s only just begun. The day of doom is upon us. The final night has dawned. The massacres has already started, My family was first to fall. As I look in the faces, Of those who have died, I feel a bit of sympathy, Then that feelings gone. As there are less and less, People are all going to rest. I know I’m the only one, Who can stop this. But really I don’t care. Let them all die, Let them all burn. I don’t care, I just don’t care. The day of doom is upon us. The final night has dawned. The massacre has finished, Really, I was the only one to fall.

Up the ladder: Causation
Down the ladder: The Pen

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.6666665
Weighted score: 4.9602656
Overall Rank: 8599
Posted: March 5, 2006 8:50 AM PST; Last modified: March 5, 2006 8:50 AM PST
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Comments:
[7] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 5-Mar-06/10:19 AM | Reply
I quite liked this, although I admit that I skimmed over the repeated verses. The subject was dealt with quite well - I'd be interested to see what you could do by rewriting this, but not in first-person. The final message is good, but I read this with the constant longing for a bit more detail, a bit more description.
Still, good stuff.
[7] ecargo @ 167.219.88.140 | 6-Mar-06/9:49 AM | Reply
Would make a decent lyric.
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