Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

Read me (Free verse) by mystic enoch
I have nobody to share my thoughts my dreams with. I have nobody in my life to say you're doing ok. I wander about in my life not knowing what to do. afraid to trust. I've been hurt so much This is my only form of expression. My poetry which..... I try to share. My poetry is my way of saying "I'm here!" "This is me." "This is what I have to say." "Read me."

Up the ladder: Heartburn
Down the ladder: During the Grace

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 3.5
Weighted score: 4.928861
Overall Rank: 9215
Posted: March 7, 2006 2:30 PM PST; Last modified: March 7, 2006 2:30 PM PST
View voting details
Comments:
[7] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 7-Mar-06/2:50 PM | Reply
I've read you. And I think that you could write yourself more effectively. Let me explain.
You have nobody to share your thoughts with - therefore you write poetry as a means of sharing them. This is a good start. Yet it could, poetically speaking, get so much better from there onwards. Try writing this in metaphor. Don't write it from the first person; as it stands you are spoonfeeding the reader this whereas you want to make said reader think about what you're saying. It's quite tricky for me to explain what I mean without writing your poem out for you - but I've tried something similar (although with a different purpose) in my 'Struggling Poet's Lament'.
Basically, I want to read about you, but I want it to be a game of hide-and-seek rather than just seeing you straight away. Does that make sense? If not, I'll try and rephrase what I said.
7...you're doing okay :)
[n/a] Dental Panic @ 84.27.6.94 | 9-Mar-06/6:30 PM | Reply
I disagree with Ranger. I think this is very strong, crude and pure. Just cut the part where you start about poetry.
I read you. You got me.

Who soothes my thumpin', bumpin' brain?
Nobody
172 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001