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Read me (Free verse) by mystic enoch
I have nobody
to share my thoughts
my dreams with.
I have nobody
in my life
to say
you're doing ok.
I wander about
in my life
not knowing
what to do.
afraid to trust.
I've been hurt so much
This
is my only form of expression.
My poetry
which.....
I try to share.
My poetry
is my way of saying
"I'm here!"
"This is me."
"This is what I have to say."
"Read me."
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 3.5
Weighted score: 4.928861
Overall Rank: 9163
Posted: March 7, 2006 2:30 PM PST; Last modified: March 7, 2006 2:30 PM PST
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Comments:
172 view(s)
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You have nobody to share your thoughts with - therefore you write poetry as a means of sharing them. This is a good start. Yet it could, poetically speaking, get so much better from there onwards. Try writing this in metaphor. Don't write it from the first person; as it stands you are spoonfeeding the reader this whereas you want to make said reader think about what you're saying. It's quite tricky for me to explain what I mean without writing your poem out for you - but I've tried something similar (although with a different purpose) in my 'Struggling Poet's Lament'.
Basically, I want to read about you, but I want it to be a game of hide-and-seek rather than just seeing you straight away. Does that make sense? If not, I'll try and rephrase what I said.
7...you're doing okay :)