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A HANGMAN'S MOANING (Free verse) by Dhanesh M Kumar Is there anyone who sees my mind
Alas doing for the sake of bread;
The justice perhaps may have a thousand reasons
to make him stranglehold, surmounted my knot.
That final stare varies, person to person
Often making my mind so brittle,
agonized faces many I have seen,
But so penetrating is the beaming smile!
Me the tool and he the sufferer,
Is there anyone who sees my mind?
Up the ladder:
Hiraeth
Down the ladder:
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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Posted: March 5, 2006 6:32 AM PST; Last modified: March 5, 2006 6:32 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.0 Overall Rank: 7773 Comments:
'Alas doing for the sake of bread' is garbled. Something like 'hanging men for the bread on my table' makes more sense.
'The justice perhaps may'- No 'the' perhaps and maybe mean the same thing (in this context) so you should ditch one. 'Justice may have a thousand reasons' would be more obvious. 'to make him stranglehold' should be 'to strangle him' and the man does not surmount the knot. The knot is atop him. A mind can not realistically be said to be brittle because it is non-material. 'agonized faces many I have seen' should probably be 'I have seen many agonising faces'.
Hi Richa,
Thank you for the comments.But I feel that your suggestions might hamper the rhythm of the poem.
Intersting concept and not badly penned.
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Thank you for the comment. The penultimate line explains the helplessness of the hangman.