poemranker ::The Bait by Dhanesh M Kumar

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Free verse № 140202

The Bait

Member since 2006 · Posted 6 Mar 2006 · 1 comment

She comes with a murky smile smoldering even the coolest one; impassioning with the hottest smooch but smothering the deepest thread. The holder often enthralls with proud while she starts her work on the hand, later jigging the spirit of the mind. But it may be too late to retrieve as her passions obtrude to reign while she the cigarette would have devoured your lungs.

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mean 3.67 weighted 4.84 rank 10711 views 132 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

1 comment

[7] Ranger 6-Mar-06/11:04 AM Reply
Personally I'd replace 'smooch' with something else, and 'The holder often/enthralls with proud/while...' doesn't make sense - perhaps 'enthralled with pride', or something like that. Other than that, not bad.