poemranker ::Portals to you by Caducus

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Free verse № 140203

Portals to you

by Caducus

Member since 2002 · Posted 6 Mar 2006 · 2 comments

Portals to you are a lint ghost on my sleeves from when I last held you on that dawn of twelve goodbye's. Portals to you are Stratford in alkaline my noir mortuary where love rests in peace. Portals to you are dreams that bring you back to me, before I wake and you are forced to sleep again. Portals to you are the ruby grave of whispers, vow's lost jewel which lived on my lips and died on yours.

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2 comments

[8] Ranger 6-Mar-06/10:58 AM Reply
Nice, I'm tempted to suggest that you get rid of 'are' at the end of each opening line, maybe keep in in stanza 3 (at the start of line 2). Other than that, very pleasant!
[7] Dovina 7-Mar-06/2:32 PM Reply
Number disagreement in every verse but 3 i.e., plural/singular. Portals are lint ghosts, for example, not lint ghost. "twelve goodbye's" should be goodbyes. Some missing commas. But I like the dawn of 12 goodbyes.