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Portals to you (Free verse) by Caducus Portals to you are
a lint ghost on my sleeves
from when I last held you
on that dawn of twelve goodbye's.
Portals to you are
Stratford in alkaline
my noir mortuary
where love rests in peace.
Portals to you are
dreams that bring you back to me,
before I wake
and you are forced to sleep again.
Portals to you are
the ruby grave of whispers,
vow's lost jewel
which lived on my lips
and died on yours.
Up the ladder:
Background Noise
Down the ladder:
The Dark
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Posted: March 6, 2006 3:59 AM PST; Last modified: March 6, 2006 3:59 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.119203 Overall Rank: 5665 Comments:
[8]
Ranger @ 62.252.32.15
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6-Mar-06/10:58 AM
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Reply
Nice, I'm tempted to suggest that you get rid of 'are' at the end of each opening line, maybe keep in in stanza 3 (at the start of line 2). Other than that, very pleasant!
Number disagreement in every verse but 3 i.e., plural/singular. Portals are lint ghosts, for example, not lint ghost. "twelve goodbye's" should be goodbyes. Some missing commas. But I like the dawn of 12 goodbyes.
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