Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

Dark Everlasting (Free verse) by Sean Allen
The voice says "let go," but I know I won't let go. So the words, they stick, they're stuck, I'm out of luck, they won't flow. And I slow down. I shake off your praise as I mumble, mumble that I'm not sweet and I'm not being humble; better things for better days. You make me tremble at night. We turn off all the lights and then I'm all right because you can't see and regret. You can't see me so you forget. Let the Dark last forever.


You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 01
.. 00
.. 20
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Weighted score: 5.119203
Overall Rank: 5700
Posted: November 8, 2004 6:56 PM PST; Last modified: November 8, 2004 6:56 PM PST
View voting details
Comments:
[8] Dovina @ 69.175.6.101 | 8-Nov-04/7:51 PM | Reply
This is pretty good. I hope the last line is not about suicide, because if it is, then I take it back. The first verse is good. The last line of the second verse seems not to follow the theme. "and regret"??? "You can't see me so you forget." - why?
[n/a] edpeterson @ 68.79.60.123 > Dovina | 8-Nov-04/9:17 PM | Reply
why would you take it back if it were about suicide?
[8] Dovina @ 69.175.6.101 > edpeterson | 9-Nov-04/11:05 AM | Reply
Because he's a teenager, and too many of them take it seriously.
[n/a] Sean Allen @ 4.46.107.39 > Dovina | 8-Nov-04/9:47 PM | Reply
I'm not entirely sure I understand your point about the "last line of the second verse." When I wrote this poem, I was not making any connection to suicide at all, but take what you will.
[8] Dovina @ 69.175.6.101 > Sean Allen | 9-Nov-04/11:09 AM | Reply
The second verse talks about shaking off praise, a hard thing to do, and often necessary. The last line seems contrary to that. I still think it's a good poem, and now you can shake that off too.
152 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001