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Dark Everlasting (Free verse) by Sean Allen The voice says "let go,"
but I know I won't let go.
So the words, they stick,
they're stuck, I'm out of luck,
they won't flow.
And I slow down.
I shake off your praise
as I mumble, mumble
that I'm not sweet
and I'm not being humble;
better things for better days.
You make me tremble at night.
We turn off all the lights
and then I'm all right
because you can't see
and regret.
You can't see me
so you forget.
Let the Dark last forever.
Up the ladder:
Left for You
Down the ladder:
lawngazing
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Posted: November 8, 2004 6:56 PM PST; Last modified: November 8, 2004 6:56 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.119203 Overall Rank: 5660 Comments:
[8]
Dovina @ 69.175.6.101
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8-Nov-04/7:51 PM
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Reply
This is pretty good. I hope the last line is not about suicide, because if it is, then I take it back. The first verse is good. The last line of the second verse seems not to follow the theme. "and regret"??? "You can't see me so you forget." - why?
[n/a]
edpeterson @ 68.79.60.123
> Dovina
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8-Nov-04/9:17 PM
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why would you take it back if it were about suicide?
[8]
Dovina @ 69.175.6.101
> edpeterson
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9-Nov-04/11:05 AM
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Reply
Because he's a teenager, and too many of them take it seriously.
[n/a]
Sean Allen @ 4.46.107.39
> Dovina
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8-Nov-04/9:47 PM
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Reply
I'm not entirely sure I understand your point about the "last line of the second verse." When I wrote this poem, I was not making any connection to suicide at all, but take what you will.
[8]
Dovina @ 69.175.6.101
> Sean Allen
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9-Nov-04/11:09 AM
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The second verse talks about shaking off praise, a hard thing to do, and often necessary. The last line seems contrary to that. I still think it's a good poem, and now you can shake that off too.
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