Free verse № 140239
Piano
I used to pause in the doorway
just to take it in,
and late at night I pictured it there,
a monster standing on three legs,
with enormous stringy mouth.
She calls it the largest, heaviest,
most beautiful thing in her house,
shows her students the scale,
says itâs the mother of chords,
and chords can bring you tears or smiles.
But no one listens to scales,
or praises the lines they cling to.
Every line a steppingstone,
good for climbing up and down.
Boy, is climbing fun, she says,
does it ever get you jazzed,
fine-tuned and ready for chords.
So I fingered the scales,
walked the lines,
harmonized chords,
and never got jazzed.
The terrible Yamaha,
its wide stage,
white spears and black daggers,
those monstrous teeth.
She never said theyâd chew me up.
33 comments
It'll also be a heavenly word for those people who like to affect a poor upper-class inflection to their accent.
And while we're on the Wales jokes, it's time for the mandatory terrible pun. 'Why is Wales so wet? Because of all the leeks.'
In normal circumstances I would have avoided saying that at all costs. But all this talk of crocodiles, whales, prawn(e)s and Wales demands it.
overall, sounds like a traumatic experience....
You seem to be suggesting in stanza 4 that you thought you could tame the monster (mastery of music, yes?) If so, I would love to see you talking about tying it up with chords. Cheesy wordplay I know, but it would make my day! You might also want to consider playing with the danger - the harm(onies). Seriously, I know they sound like awful puns, but it could work. If I'm going too far with these, feel free to throw things at me - chairs, tables, pianos etc.
'Jazzed' feels great in this piece - perhaps combine it with the teeth, make me think 'jagged'. I really do like the 'white spears and black daggers', although as far as connotations go it's almost a complete reversal - I think black spears and white daggers (Zulus and colonial field marshals).
'These monstrous teeth' - great line, and despite the relative simplicity of it I think the last line is very good, very effective too.
Use these ideas as you wish - it could be that they lend too much weight to the 'monster' imagery and detract from the music...see what you think.
Yeah, I thought harmonies might be going too far - who knows, maybe it'll feature some other time? (Yes, I admit to being unnecessarily optimistic sometimes...)
Anyway, I look forward to seeing what you do with this poem!
good for climbing up and down.
Boy, is climbing fun, she says,
does it ever get you jazzed,
fine-tuned and ready for chords'
you almost had it there - shame the fifth line didn't make it.
using monster/monstrous - too much. The word gets deflated.
I think the story is okay but the ending is poor. As if you were through but the poem wasn't.
My hyperbole has slunk and lost its tension, like a hyperbola in limp conic section where once pricked the sharp point of a cone - is that what you mean?
They have no sense of rhythm,
no ear for an E
What they seek in a piano
is fluffy, carefree
They don't want to practice
scales are a chore
they need to be dropped in
behind the black door
Bad, okay.
Whiskers caught between the keys
sharpening claws on a flat note
piano lid comes crashing down
tail in trap, "Meow" she wrote
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