Re: Run Material Girl by singinkygal	13-Sep-04/8:41 AM
Almost perfect.
Re: Grandpa's boat by Caducus	12-Sep-04/1:24 PM
Yeah!
Re: chunks by FreeFormFixation	12-Sep-04/10:25 AM
Don't know why I like it. Evocative?
Re: Down Drown by LintyWeenis	12-Sep-04/10:17 AM
So many ways to interpret this. I can't help feeling it's a "mea cupla" in the christian sense of giving your screwed up life to god (If I didn't have this suspicion it would be a -10-.If it's about something real like a m/f relationship, it gets an extra point. For now -9-.
Re: Daddy by LintyWeenis	12-Sep-04/10:09 AM
Says it very well. -10- The lack of a space after the period might be a device to create a sense of urgency. I'd like to see it used uniformly if that's what it's for. Anyway you look at it -10-.
Re: Soft and Pure by Dovina	10-Sep-04/8:09 AM
"Stroking his brows of sandy shade, that earliest smoothness with mustache and hair graying." The poem starts here for me. "A belief, a certainty?" Everything you are trying to say in the first 2 1/2 lines should be told in this line. Love the last stanza. But criticism aside. It's a -10- as is.
Re: End by Dovina	6-Sep-04/4:27 PM
"Game Over" Good-est.
Re: The Little Merman by avery	6-Sep-04/9:57 AM
Didn't get lost but shorter might be better.
Re: Edges by Blue Magpie	6-Sep-04/9:50 AM
Well thought-out and competently written. -8-
Re: Into My World by sliver	6-Sep-04/9:38 AM
Good poem about your feelings toward Renee. Last verse really says it.
Re: Pride by Dovina	5-Sep-04/1:40 PM
'Creep in to her in the night" Into her room or back to the uterus? "And settle for knowing she knows" possibly "And settle for knowing she knows more." Does this change what you are saying or make it clearer? -8- maybe a -10- if I were not confused by those two lines.
Re: One Perfect Moment by Leah11	2-Sep-04/8:35 AM
Works for me at this perfect moment.-10-
Re: ~YOUR TURN~ by Brandy_n_Cali	1-Sep-04/7:49 AM
A little too much piss or not enough vinegar, naybe some vodka would help.
Re: Two Basic Forces by dougsoderstrom	1-Sep-04/7:41 AM
nemA e m Amen. Nice construct.
Re: Down With Ingenuity by Dovina	30-Aug-04/10:38 PM
You get my vote.
Re: St. Patrick’s Cathedral by Dovina	28-Aug-04/8:17 AM
The answer to the question your poem asks is not in churches it is true. It's not in the sky nor in the forests either. Maybe it's in RLS's Requiem "Home is the sailor, home from the sea, And the hunter home from the hill." Or Donne's(?)" Glad did I live/And gladly die/And I lay myself down with a will." Good thought-provoking poem. One point better than your personal average. -10-
Re: Rapid Eye Movement by wilco	24-Aug-04/7:56 PM
Nothing makes the night seem lonely "like" the soft fluttering in her shuttered eyes. This structure seems awkward to me. I know that "Nothing says lovin' like something from the oven and Pillsbury says it best" but, perhaps, a more direct approach to say this important thing? "The night is made more lonely by the soft, etc." You are the creator. Let not my will but yours be done. Even with the slightly uncomfortable second coming (stanza), it is very evocative of 13 years of nights spent with my ex-wife. -10-
Re: Penumbra by klosterfobik	24-Aug-04/7:43 PM
All us stoke victims know all about the Penumbra. -9-
Re: A Piñon Planter by Dovina	24-Aug-04/7:40 PM
I printed this poem out and went to the restroom to read it. As it came to it's climax, my nut-filled bowl came to its own. Oh was that bowel? Nuts! Good. No, really! -10- Now I'll go back to wipe.
Re: Dads are suppose to stay by Brandy_n_Cali	22-Aug-04/10:45 AM
This is what I expect my kids will feel when I die. It's bearable, compared to having to live with their mother.