poemranker ::The Little Merman by avery

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Free verse № 111641

The Little Merman

Member since 2004 · Posted 5 Sep 2004 · 3 comments

While appraising me, she's mumbling Her incoherent profanities stabbing My heart spasms; I'm bleeding A tiny push of her pinky sends me hurling Forward; into the abyss I shun her; out of cowardice She spins around; never knowing The scent of her; killed me that morning Harsh words rasped; spit forming Dance moves crashed; I'm unwilling Devil with a smile took me on And with that I knew I was too far gone Stealing a glance at her picture Wishing that I had kissed her Her touch I cannot feel The anathema like a seal I reach towards the reality of solipsism As an escape; or maybe some sort of optimism But her eyes tell me I cannot deny My heart beats for the last time as I die Noting the absence of a dirge as I fade, Like the lonely passing of the little mermaid

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mean 6.20 weighted 5.14 rank 5434 views 195 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

A favorite of Alizarin_Crimson.

3 comments

[6] sliver 5-Sep-04/5:08 PM Reply
Yea, umm, no. kinda lost it somewhere around the third stanza, or was it the first?
[9] Dan garcia-Black 6-Sep-04/9:57 AM Reply
Didn't get lost but shorter might be better.
[8] Alizarin_Crimson 20-Apr-05/12:14 PM Reply
I really, really like this poem, although I can definitely see that you have too good of a vocabulary to be stuck with things like "Abyss" and the picture-kissed her part.