Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

The Little Merman (Free verse) by avery
While appraising me, she's mumbling Her incoherent profanities stabbing My heart spasms; I'm bleeding A tiny push of her pinky sends me hurling Forward; into the abyss I shun her; out of cowardice She spins around; never knowing The scent of her; killed me that morning Harsh words rasped; spit forming Dance moves crashed; I'm unwilling Devil with a smile took me on And with that I knew I was too far gone Stealing a glance at her picture Wishing that I had kissed her Her touch I cannot feel The anathema like a seal I reach towards the reality of solipsism As an escape; or maybe some sort of optimism But her eyes tell me I cannot deny My heart beats for the last time as I die Noting the absence of a dirge as I fade, Like the lonely passing of the little mermaid

Up the ladder: Moving
Down the ladder: Black Snake

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 10
.. 20
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 6.2
Weighted score: 5.1430435
Overall Rank: 5401
Posted: September 5, 2004 1:12 AM PDT; Last modified: September 5, 2004 1:12 AM PDT
View voting details
The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:

Alizarin_Crimson

Comments:
[6] sliver @ 63.190.72.100 | 5-Sep-04/5:08 PM | Reply
Yea, umm, no. kinda lost it somewhere around the third stanza, or was it the first?
[9] Dan garcia-Black @ 216.165.248.108 | 6-Sep-04/9:57 AM | Reply
Didn't get lost but shorter might be better.
[8] Alizarin_Crimson @ 198.7.247.203 | 20-Apr-05/12:14 PM | Reply
I really, really like this poem, although I can definitely see that you have too good of a vocabulary to be stuck with things like "Abyss" and the picture-kissed her part.
195 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001