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Mr. Stryker, Do You Really Want Some Kind of War? (Prose Poem) by cat The slightly older than middle aged man wears his sunglasses at the bus
stop and squints towards the sun waiting for his number to come up.
The ground vibrates, he looks up, squints to make sure he has the right
number, you wouldnât want to get on the wrong bus, and he steps on.
Why doesnât the bus have seat belts he wonders, as it rumbles and
bumps over pot holes and dips on the boulevard.
He puts his face to the plexiglas and looks for his stop, stop 47, the
vibration of the bus always helps him darken reality and slide off to
somewhere else, to a time where there was only two bus lines and the
drivers were always the same, he tries to fight his instincts by
counting the various stops, 40, 42, but he loses somewhere around stop
44.
The slightly older than middle aged man wakes up at stop 58, his swollen
eyes widen and he yells at the bus driver, âI told you I was stop 47.â
Through the rear view mirror the slightly older than middle aged man
sees the bus driver rolling her eyes at him and shrugging her shoulders.
âPeople just donât give a damn anymore,â he says just loud enough
for her to hear.
âMaybe you should get a car old man,â jokingly says a passenger
across from him, a boy with brown eyes and a shaved head.
He scowls and steps off the bus; he removes his sunglasses, and crosses
the street, to catch the bus.
Back to the stop that he missed.
Up the ladder:
Ghost of Gloaming
Down the ladder:
scenestealer
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.2
Posted: August 2, 2004 11:52 PM PDT; Last modified: August 2, 2004 11:52 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.1430435 Overall Rank: 5386 Comments:
An actual observation, no doubt. But it lacks and more than observation, nothing really to provoke thoutht.
"there were only two bus. . . "
no it's not an actual observation, unless you call my observations on how people get off the path of self realization and on to the path of bitterness and intolerance and end up going backwards instead of forward...
Whenever I think of prose poem my train of thought just sto...
The ingeniously pseudonymed poet with the ellipsis, I'm assuming you are saying that your train of thought storms off to a place of internal reflection due to the original placement of words by cat.
Your mind is also probably wondering how an animal manages to capture the conflicts of humans and their battles with their past, their present, and their future. But it doesnât stop there you say out loud, "who is this cat?" Is it a cat, a co-worker, your best friend, the person you saw at the bus stop, the entity that created the universe. You can say it sucks if that makes you feel better, but I know that an ellipsis stands for the emotions that canât be said, because you are so choked up and lost for words, thatâs why you write, thatâs why I write, because there is just so much that I canât⦠so thank you, thank you for your well thought out comments, I appreciate them.
The following, posted for your edufacation, are the Official Compleat Buncombe Dodges of Inveterate Guffers. Harken ye, etc., etc.
1) "My string of arbitrarily-linebroken abstract-to-the-max gobbles has caused you to question X or ponder X, whether or not that was my original intention, though now and forever hereafter I will say it was. I am a raging success at everything." ADDENDUM TO 1) "I'm always pleasantly surprised at the variety of interpretations I get for the abovementioned, a.l.a.t.t.m.g.s, all of which are true (even though I hadn't thought of them) except the negative ones. I'm a fucking artistic genius." 3) "I meant for this poem to be bad. I'm a jester." 4) "I wrote this in only 15.5 seconds. Fuck you." 5) "I've read your poems and they all suck. Therefore, I'm immune to your criticism." ADDENDUM TO 5) "I don't think we're at the same place, poetically speaking. This is because I'm better than you." 6) "You give no specifics." 7) [Some disingenuously positive response to the one positive comment on your poem, despite that the comment poster is a known dim.] 8) [Nothing.]
dear horoscope thingy,
thanks for your whole thing there, but it doesn't apply to me, because what i wrote wasn't an excuse, i am more than open to constructive critism, what i wrote was a joke (my response not my poem) due to the tone of Mac... i read several of his comments on various poet's poems and i think he's funny, i wrote something clever in hopes that he would comeback...but i still totally appreciate your list thing, but i truly do think this is a good poem in need of some tweeking, i posted it for advice, if i thought it was ok i wouldn't post it, if any of us thought what we were doing was ok, we wouldn't post. this site is about validation, so even you my horoscope thingy are here because of insecurity...i'm thinking you are a number four. meow and a lick to you, cat
I didn't post my list on your poem for any specific reason, just because it seemed like as convenient a place for a COMPLEATE LIST OF BUNCOMBE DODGES OF INVETERATE GUFFERS as any other. If I were at all inclined to publish any you-specifick list on your poem, it would probably be called THE COMPLEAT LIST OF COMMON MISTAKEN IDEAS ABOUT POEMRANKER AND ZODIAC MADE BY YOUNG USERS WITH SOMEWHAT INFLATED NOTIONS ABOUT THEMSELVES, and would consist of nothing but mansef recipes and ambiguously-titled links to Christian masturbation-ministry sites. You do the math.
Dunce. You post a comment listing the COMPLEATE LIST OF BUNCOMBE DODGES on someone's poeme, in reply to one of their comments, and then get all uppity when, surprise, surprise, they think you were talking about them. For pity's sake zodiac, how dare you? If someone replies to your comment, by default they are talking to you, and are posting their thoughts there for a specific reason. How dare you have the gall to suggest that cat has an inflated notion of self-importance, or whatever, just because she thought you were staining her jodhpurs?
P.S. "INVETERATE" is the mark of a top-notch dullard.
'Inveterate' seems a fine word choice. What's wrong with it?
He's just gutted he did not think of it first and use it in one of his rants by shrouding it with guff and jodphurs.
Maybe it would have been better to say "INVERTEBRATE LOBSTERS".
dear "my name means some really cool, REALLY!!!!!",
Look I understand what you are saying, but you slighted me (and quite a few others) on other pages, so guess what I know that your girlfriend has low self-esteem and allows you to take out your underemployed, loser, angry status out on her and writes it off as "you are creative," but you slight me I slight you, don't get your panties in a bunch...I guess I'm dim, but I don't get why a person who is as smart and as clever as you would respond to anyone who says something thats even remotely insultive, I thought that was something only dim people did. Look you have some issues, all you do is go to people's page and talk crap and bring in your twisted perspective that's getting very tired, "your dim, your dim, your dim" what are you FIVE? I guess because that guy hurt your feelings on your page and now you want to get the universe back, but get over it, it's done. You need some kind of release, go look at some porn. And why don't you write a poem, you haven't posted anything in ages what are you sad or are you just a coward that uses one name to insult and one name to write? You are dim. Continue with your music and stop this silly bs. A meow and two licks to you, cat
You're wrong about nearly everything. My username doesn't mean anything cool; it means something Gay. I'm married to a woman who is nothing like any of the people in any poem I've ever written except the one who drinks Chivas from the bottle. We live in Crackville, Jordan, Islamland, where I'm the farthest thing from underemployed, as just this morning I had to help my landlord birth a goat before catching the 8:30 bus (tassled fringe included) to a slightly larger hole than my usual one. That is absolutely true. It is the most common thing in the world to simply propose without any real basis that everyone who would bother posting poetry on a free website is a hopeless gay introvert except for onesself. I've never offered any excuse or justification on this matter except your Gay and I'm not. And I have a Master's in Poetry from an Accredited Poetry School. As of today I have read and voted on 3077 posts on this site, so I guess I'm adequately qualified to say what kind of repetitive self-obsessed muck is perpetrated every day here, while you're not. If you're going to continue hurling such childish insults as "Your five" and "your a hopeless Gay introvert" around this site, why don't you first try hitting the Random link at the top of this page and reading till your retinas detach, instead of parading your ignorance around here like a colossal Macy's balloon in the shape of meat? P.S., I don't really mean that you're any of these things; it's simply fun to call some ubersensitive illiterate teenager a colossal dim and watch him act sensitive and self-righteous in a slightly amusing way for a while and then leave. And even that's not very much fun anymore. So hey, thanks for having this great chat with me! I'll see ya around!
zodiac
dear "I have a degree from some school maybe, maybe not, but that's not really relevant anyway, because I have voted on 3077 poems, so that gives me the right to talk to you like you are an idiot"
Look overly sensitive freak that continues to respond to me, because he's a freakin idiot. If you think insulting people on the internet is fun, your life must not be going all that well for you, you know why? Because people who have nice jobs and healthy relationships don't respond to 3077 posts, do you know why, because they have a life, which you obviously do not, I mean you are bordering on freak, to brag about responding to 3077 poems. The funny thing is I think that was the one thing you said which you were serious about, because it had a bit of a superiority, self-righteous air to the whole sentence. âAs of today I have read and voted on 3077 posts on this site, so I guess I'm adequately qualified to say what kind of repetitive self-obsessed muck is perpetrated every day here, while you're not.â ---everyone this person is a loser. You know I may be self righteous, I might be dim, I may be gay, but yet you continue to come back in a pathetic attempt to one up my insults to you which means that you my really cool pseudonymed friend are simply one step above me, a lowly cat, which doesn't say much does it? three licks and a coughed up ball of hair to you, cat
"Because people who have nice jobs and healthy relationships don't respond to 3077 posts, do you know why, because they have a life, which you obviously do not," is the 9th Buncombe Dodge of the Invertebrate Lobster.
I think that this would be good if it was trimmed down some.
Its better than an -8- but I believe the last three lines have a rewrite in their future(Only if you're looking for a -10-). Don't let Z bother you. When he's serious, he's good. When he's f-ing with your head, he's great.
Upon reconsideration, I think this is the sort of poem that if read aloud by a spirited personality would carry an amusing and important message. Some poems are just made to be performed and some poets write for the stage. Cheers.
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You can afford to trim this, I think