Poemranker [Poem: Soft and Pure] [by Dovina] Thu Nov 21 10:24:28 PST 2024

I couldnât tell how things registered with him when our eyes locked easily in languorous embrace. I thought I could, stroking his brows of sandy shade, that earliest smoothness with mustache and hair graying. The hair beneath my fingertips, felt incredibly soft and smooth. Pure. A belief, a certainty? They did happen - those eyes, those brows, obligated as I feel to call them a dream, waking up slowly into history and another set of brows.

[10] Dan garcia-Black @ 66.159.232.164 | 10-Sep-04/8:09 AM | Reply

"Stroking his brows of sandy shade,
that earliest smoothness
with mustache and hair graying."

The poem starts here for me.

"A belief, a certainty?"

Everything you are trying to say in the first 2 1/2 lines should be told in this line.
Love the last stanza.
But criticism aside. It's a -10- as is.

[n/a] Dovina @ 24.52.157.176 > Dan garcia-Black | 10-Sep-04/9:45 AM | Reply

Thanks Dan. Iâm not sure how you mean to squeeze those first 2 1/2 lines into "A belief, a certainty?" Maybe those lines arenât needed.

[9] edpeterson @ 68.79.2.62 | 10-Sep-04/10:17 AM | Reply

dig it

[n/a] Dovina @ 24.52.157.176 > edpeterson | 10-Sep-04/12:38 PM | Reply

Thanks, Ed.