Soft and Pure

Member since 2004 · Posted 9 Sep 2004 · 4 comments

I couldnât tell how things registered with him when our eyes locked easily in languorous embrace. I thought I could, stroking his brows of sandy shade, that earliest smoothness with mustache and hair graying. The hair beneath my fingertips, felt incredibly soft and smooth. Pure. A belief, a certainty? They did happen - those eyes, those brows, obligated as I feel to call them a dream, waking up slowly into history and another set of brows.

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 7.43 weighted 5.65 rank 2104 views 292 View voting details →

7 votes so far. Yours would make 8.7 votes so far

4 comments

[10] Dan garcia-Black 10-Sep-04/8:09 AM Reply

"Stroking his brows of sandy shade,
that earliest smoothness
with mustache and hair graying."

The poem starts here for me.

"A belief, a certainty?"

Everything you are trying to say in the first 2 1/2 lines should be told in this line.
Love the last stanza.
But criticism aside. It's a -10- as is.

[n/a] Dovina › Dan garcia-Black 10-Sep-04/9:45 AM Reply

Thanks Dan. Iâm not sure how you mean to squeeze those first 2 1/2 lines into "A belief, a certainty?" Maybe those lines arenât needed.

[9] edpeterson 10-Sep-04/10:17 AM Reply

dig it

[n/a] Dovina › edpeterson 10-Sep-04/12:38 PM Reply

Thanks, Ed.