on A Fish is Always a Fish by Dovina
29 Mar 2006, 10:25 PM
I like the idea you portrayed about being sunk into utmost despair, into hell.... Surely there must be some way of getting out of it, of feigning your way through the fisherman's fingers once the hook is taken out. Many a fish has escaped this way.
on Time Will Change by x0lovelylarnx0
28 Mar 2006, 10:55 AM
This is good. But I would rather you modify the last line a bit. Some thing like, 'if only you will let him in.'
As for comments, ignore what might bother you. Let each one have their say, as long as you stand your ground.
As for comments, ignore what might bother you. Let each one have their say, as long as you stand your ground.
I think your title could have been ' Tulip boy'....it's more focused on him. and line 8 could read ' with neither purse nor name'. This is pretty good and conveys a scene I remember from Mussoorie (India) at the base of the Himalayas, where I first saw tulips.... the red and yellow flames. Keep writing!
on Gaia and Man by Blue Magpie
25 Feb 2006, 3:05 AM
Too long for me at the moment.... will have to come back for it in a fresher frame of mind.
on My Shattered Love by Silverjackel
26 Feb 2006, 3:58 AM
Seeing how negative you are in the end justifies why she has to be worse than a typhoon or a cyclone or a twister, what ever you'd call it. I would have liked a more positive ending, you might have got an -8- from me then. Saying that you prayed for her good, rather, would have it going in your favour strongly.
on An Interview With King David by amanda_dcosta
26 Feb 2006, 4:37 AM
I have been trying a different style from my usual. It would be helpful to know what you feel about it.
I have had this in mind for a long time since Alchemy asked me to be more personal with the biblical characters I was writing about. Ref: some of my earliest poems.
I have had this in mind for a long time since Alchemy asked me to be more personal with the biblical characters I was writing about. Ref: some of my earliest poems.
on The Dead Poet's Dream by drnick
26 Feb 2006, 10:11 AM
Not bad!
on Buried in the Booth (edit) by drnick
26 Feb 2006, 10:37 AM
I'd say that this was a good write. Sometimes a writer finds it hard to put into word what he has in mind, but I think you did a pretty good job at this. Like Dovina said, a bit of less description would make it better. Good work!
on Iron Sky by MacFrantic
26 Feb 2006, 11:17 AM
I'd say you've quite a few pieces better than this. In my opinion, this ain't very impressive. I wish I could pin point.
on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina
14 Mar 2006, 10:18 AM
I take it that zodiac gets very jittery when he hears anything about religion,or heaven or angels or 183 divine creatures....... or maybe he just can't stand the thought of Dovina born in heaven and nestled eternally there.
Dovina, this reminds me of a song...
"We are going,
heaven knows where we are going
We know we are.
We will get there
Heaven knowsthat we will get there
We know we will"
Reading your verse made this song pop up in my head.
By the way, ]where are you going to.... and chocolates are not good for you... think of all the calories and high fat content..... not a good idea. Take my advice, don't go there.
"We are going,
heaven knows where we are going
We know we are.
We will get there
Heaven knowsthat we will get there
We know we will"
Reading your verse made this song pop up in my head.
By the way, ]where are you going to.... and chocolates are not good for you... think of all the calories and high fat content..... not a good idea. Take my advice, don't go there.
on =, <>, & . . . by Dovina
4 Mar 2006, 10:55 AM
Dovina, you'd better translate this stuff or might be tempted to vote a -0- or a -1-. By the way how's life treating you. I can see you've gone bonkers from what you've written. Looks good though, if only I could decipher it. you should have made it more like morse code. would have been more interesting .
on At Last in the Garden by ecargo
4 Mar 2006, 11:14 AM
Sings a slight depressing note. It's pretty good though! Lovely choice of words.
on Sour Apple by ecargo
10 Mar 2006, 11:52 PM
ecargo, somehow you're good. I get a taste of negativity or pessimism from your poems often, which generally I don't really like..... but somehow you have stuff that brings me back to read more of your work. Quite a bit of imagination too....
on The Tale of Hominus Ominus by Blue Magpie
11 Mar 2006, 12:21 AM
Good work. You got me going till the end. I thought that this would be just some stuff written only to fill a page , ie. when I saw the length.... but you pulled it through. pretty interesting.
on Breakfast by Dhanesh M Kumar
11 Mar 2006, 12:29 AM
Will have to agree with the rest. Last stanza needs fixing. I ain't a great fan of politics and war... but I think, in my opinion, you have painted quite a picture. Bones for breakfast!
OOps sorry. Looks like ecargo out did me in my comment.
This is a common theme, but when well written, it's worth a read, and you've brought out something in it. Good work.