| Re: Mid-July by Ranger |
30-Mar-06/12:27 PM |
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| Re: Because You Love Me by amanda_dcosta |
30-Mar-06/12:46 PM |
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drnick and ecargo.... I hope you find this a good change. Enjoy!
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| Re: The Beautiful Lover by Caducus |
30-Mar-06/12:48 PM |
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| Re: Time Thief by Dovina |
30-Mar-06/12:55 PM |
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I think I liked your 'fishy' poem better. This seems a bit disconnected on the whole and I wasn't really impressed compared to quite a few writes of yours. Probably you aught ot edit it , although I don't know exactly how. I'm still not clear on what you had in mind while writing this.
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| Re: A Country Anecdote by Dovina |
31-Mar-06/10:36 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
31-Mar-06/10:46 AM |
This is written well ... and is a good read.
And Ranger, I can't understand why people don't like to see anything, for that matter anything having even a slight religious connotation. What's wrong with that. It seems that's it's okay to have the dark side of life portrayed, and aspects of war, sex, love, happiness, chicks, etc.... but God? Why the discrimination! Somebody please enlighten me.
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| Re: The Unforgiven II by alvinb |
31-Mar-06/10:54 AM |
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Hmmm. It's written well, but I don't get it clearly in the 5th stanza. Seems to be contradictory lines.... she loves me not, she loves me still.
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| Re: Behind the storm clouds, the moon consoles the sun.(edited) by ALChemy |
31-Mar-06/11:23 AM |
Lovely. This reminded me of one of your poems... 'Sunlighting'. Somehow, poems like this get right to me. And the idea of it being about the eclipse.... fits in.
About the title, I'm not sure which way it should go. Present one sounds okay.
Or perhaps.... 'Moon's Affection'
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| Re: Pastoral Care (Psalm 23 revisited) by Dovina |
4-Apr-06/10:46 AM |
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Quite a realistic description to the psalm. It is the flow though that could be noted... a bit unbalanced. On the whole I like it.
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| Re: To Orange by Lifeboatman |
7-Apr-06/12:28 AM |
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| Re: Old River Sherbourne by Caducus |
7-Apr-06/10:01 AM |
M6 bowel? Enlighten me. And spon with spon ? Not comfortable with that.
The rest is lovely... and a good, lively description.
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| Re: Emo Kid by Fayt |
7-Apr-06/10:07 AM |
Hmmm... not bad. has a bit of a humor tone to it. As for a limmerick format, sorry I can't comment on that. I'm a stranger to limmerick forms and rules.
Keep writing.
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| Re: First Warm Day on Santa Barbara Bay by Dovina |
26-Apr-06/11:15 AM |
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Hear the might waters roar..... that sounds like a common enough sentence with nothing new to it. More like a borrowed phrase.
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| Re: I Sleep by Sunny |
26-Apr-06/11:28 AM |
Is it 'one day's plan'? Verse 2 line 2.
I haven't read all the critiques yet, that's posted below this poem.... looks like I must, but no time now. However, for my part of the critique.... personally, I liked the idea behind the poem. Sleep! Maybe it could have been put into more expressions, or perhaps the presentation better... but it has potential.
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| Re: Murder Phoenix Born (meta-villanelle) by Ranger |
26-Apr-06/11:49 AM |
The truth is... I am lost as to what your point is behind the poem..... the phoenix... well, that's acceptable. but the rest? I think I have to re-read this tomorrow... or when I get the time, at the earliest. I am not familiar with meta-vilanelle and extra stuff like that and hence I refrain from voting. My vote wouldn't be fair.
you have a nice play of words though!
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| Re: To Brittany by amanda_dcosta |
26-Apr-06/12:13 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
29-Apr-06/11:35 AM |
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Hmmmm.... It's good, but could have been done better. I don't particularly fancy lines 8 - 10. and the ref to Gabriel.... I feel it's a little stretched.
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| Re: Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger |
29-Apr-06/11:48 AM |
Ranger, This is yet another piece where you've got me racking my brains. Making us exercise, aren't you? :-) Am enjoying it.
Somehow you and my husband will be able to get along well with topics like this. Probably he'll be able to give you a valid critique on this.
From my point of view, I don't seem to be getting anywhere far with this. It ain't particulary clear.
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| Re: Tang Soo Do See Do by ecargo |
29-Apr-06/12:03 PM |
ecargo... hmmm this is pretty good. Not particulary to my taste, but even then I think I must be frank and fair. You deserve a 10.
P.S. Ironically, this is the stuff I vote a zero here in my home. Punches and jabs..... I'm scared to see it physically, wondering when my kids (biggest kid - my husband) will end up with stitches (which is nothing new). An in the end my husband stands and bows pretending to be the winner among the lot. Proudly. :-)
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| Re: Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger |
29-Apr-06/12:06 PM |
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