poemranker ::Old Friend by drnick

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Free verse № 141444

Old Friend

by drnick

Member since 2005 · Posted 28 Mar 2006 · Edited 12 Oct 2006 · 13 comments

Dear old friend of mine How I've missed you time-to-time In the back of my mind You've been stowed Won't you sing me a song I found my dreams are long gone Somewhere in a letter I told you so My mind cannot fathom Even in post-graduate fashion Just how or why I let you go And as surely as I Won't let our memories die Is as surely As your distance grows

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mean 4.50 weighted 4.98 rank 8271 views 228 View voting details →

2 votes so far. Yours would make 3.2 votes so far

13 comments

[7] ecargo 28-Mar-06/7:24 AM Reply
Reads like lyrics sans chorus. Not bad. Last verse doesn't scan right.
[7] amanda_dcosta 30-Mar-06/12:22 PM Reply
Hmmm, not bad. It's got a sing song feel to it. And you've put it as free verse.

OOps sorry. Looks like ecargo out did me in my comment.

This is a common theme, but when well written, it's worth a read, and you've brought out something in it. Good work.
[9] Ranger 30-Mar-06/12:41 PM Reply
Cool stuff, I thought the first line of stanza 2 was a bit unoriginal and didn't quite fit with the rest of that stanza. I like the rhyme scheme and the quick rhythm of it. 'My mind cannot fathom even in post-graduate fashion' is a smart line.
I actually think the last stanza might just about hold up...but ecargo is right that it doesn't sound right when read.
[n/a] drnick › Ranger 31-Mar-06/10:44 AM Reply
Ya, the first line of stanza 2 is a bit lame. I knew it didn't sound quite right, but I couldn't think of anything else so I was hoping someone would help me out. When are you going to post something?
[9] Ranger › drnick 31-Mar-06/2:33 PM Reply
I have a couple still brewing away waiting to be put to paper, and another villanelle to submit, but I've been away recently - and tomorrow I go home for Easter, so maybe over the weekend. I'll have a think about this piece overnight too, see if I can give you a suggestion for that line. Maybe something along the lines of: "Like the radio playing an old song"?
[9] Ranger › Ranger 31-Mar-06/2:34 PM Reply
Good to see you posting again, by the way...I'm glad to see the last term hasn't done any harm to your writing!
[9] ALChemy 30-Mar-06/1:21 PM Reply
I like this alot but the last line seems like it's just a filler. Everything else is so personal and sincere that the last line with it's cliche`ness comes across like a Halmark card. Maybe something like "Is as surely as your distance grows".
[n/a] drnick › ALChemy 31-Mar-06/10:45 AM Reply
Hey, I really like that. Would it be wrong of me to use that?
[9] ALChemy › drnick 1-Apr-06/1:35 PM Reply
Go ahead. I'm like a drug dealer, first one's always free. :)
[8] Dovina 31-Mar-06/5:15 PM Reply
I like the first two verses.

But verse three says that even in post-graduate fashion, your mind cannot fathom how you let him/her go, as if post-graduateness affects your ability to fathom such things.

In verse three, "our memories" implies that her/his memories are available for you to evaluate as unending as the wind.

But these are minor nits. Overall good.
[n/a] drnick › Dovina 1-Apr-06/1:09 PM Reply
I would hope that one who had assimilated that much information would have had their mind expanded/enlightened in the process, but perhaps that's not the point of college(not to most americans, anyways)?

Yes that was the rather weak comparison I was making, and I'm assuming you meant verse four. I'm trying to think of a better last line.
[8] Dovina › drnick 1-Apr-06/1:18 PM Reply
Yes, Verse 4. Sorry.
[9] Ranger 12-Oct-06/1:12 AM Reply
Top edit :-)