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Rambling (Sestina) by terbenaw
Who can understand the dual nature of my soul? Strong yet vulnerable; the dense intellect so calm yet out of control These brown eyes have aged me; young in years but in life so old To have seen sights fit to turn the essence of a man cold The meek who shall inherit fall to the wickedness of the bold And I… I try to keep hidden thoughts that wish to be told Riddled with duality, I am told Yet I consider it differently, as it comes from my soul This duality is being both hot and cold Like a taste of heaven while hell has control Bittersweet, like remaining young while watching loved ones grow old This inner conflict balances the brink between wary and bold ‘Fate and fortune favors the bold’ Or so I’ve been told Yet I know that valor cannot save my soul To see Heaven and God (or whoever’s in control) Maybe the truth shall be realized when I’m old… …before my eyes empty and my body goes cold Love is obscure in this world so cold You won’t find it underlined or highlighted in bold It’s found both everywhere and nowhere on Earth, all told Gained when one searches and finds peace within the soul Without hate as it eliminates love from one's control And you may search for it forever after 'til your bones are old I hope to find many answers to Life’s questions by the time I am old Hopefully, I won’t be alone, searching blindly, shivering from the cold, Questioning the nature of my soul, Trying to find stories of life through ages left untold, Pondering the proper path between careful and bold Losing any semblance of control… NO! I must keep myself in control! I must stay young at heart, even – no especially when I’m old I must hold on to warmth and love in a world that’s so cold And remain meek and cautious while at the same time bold… I need to heed the things I’m told As long as these “things” don’t corrupt my soul I feel not bold right now; just a little bit old And a bit cold inside. It seems my mind has lost control As I’ve rambled on, but you’ve been told: That’s just the nature of my soul.

Down the ladder: My Secret

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.5
Weighted score: 4.976287
Overall Rank: 8220
Posted: September 8, 2005 11:36 AM PDT; Last modified: February 25, 2006 8:19 PM PST
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Comments:
[6] Dovina @ 69.92.13.105 | 8-Sep-05/12:40 PM | Reply
To answer your opening question, I can. Even the Apostle Paul could (Romans 7)

Could omit "My personality is" in verse 2.
[n/a] terbenaw @ 198.189.164.204 > Dovina | 9-Sep-05/10:13 AM | Reply
Thank you for the comment, but... just omit it? I don't think it would make sense if I do that. What would you replace that phrase with in order for it to make sense?
[6] Dovina @ 12.74.40.37 > terbenaw | 10-Sep-05/5:07 AM | Reply
"Riddled with duality, I am told,"
[n/a] terbenaw @ 66.122.165.163 > Dovina | 10-Sep-05/11:28 AM | Reply
"Riddled with duality, I am told
Yet I consider it differently, as it comes from my soul"

??
??
Hmm... it kinda makes sense... hmm...
[n/a] terbenaw @ 69.237.91.72 > terbenaw | 24-Feb-06/2:17 PM | Reply
Guess I'll try it...
[8] zodiac @ 213.186.188.41 | 10-Sep-05/4:40 AM | Reply
A sloppy effort. You didn't even bother using 'gold', 'mould', 'scold', 'wold', 'fourfold', 'paroled', or 'wrestling hold'.
[n/a] terbenaw @ 66.122.165.163 > zodiac | 10-Sep-05/11:26 AM | Reply
A few of those words actually were considered, but... I just didn't think they would work with what I was trying to do.
[8] zodiac @ 209.193.18.26 > terbenaw | 24-Feb-06/3:02 PM | Reply
Unless what you were trying to do is "sound like Doug Soderstrom, PhD", I'd recommend not trying to do it.

http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=117966
[n/a] terbenaw @ 71.138.184.201 > zodiac | 25-Feb-06/1:13 AM | Reply
Not sure what that mean exactly, but I think I'll leave the end rhymes as is...
[n/a] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 > zodiac | 24-Feb-06/2:43 PM | Reply
zodiac, that made me laugh so hard!
[5] Blue Magpie @ 212.205.251.50 | 25-Feb-06/3:44 AM | Reply
There are many sentences/lines here that could easikly be better

for example why

I feel not bold right now;

and not

I don't feel bold right now;

which is grammatically more correct and flows better.

Still it was not a bad read.
[n/a] terbenaw @ 71.138.184.201 > Blue Magpie | 25-Feb-06/1:12 PM | Reply
That's true... thanks for that.
[n/a] terbenaw @ 71.138.184.201 > terbenaw | 25-Feb-06/1:14 PM | Reply
Just gonna re-work the whole thing and repost it in a while. For now, I'll just leave as is.
[9] MacFrantic @ 172.184.226.227 | 26-Feb-06/11:13 AM | Reply
This is actually pretty good. It's a lot better than it should be. *9*
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