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Tulip

Member since 2002 · Posted 10 Jan 2006 · 9 comments

The poor tulip boy has poor taste that he loves his patch and his trowel and spade and his landlord, the dame, that he sells to in the market his red and yellow flames. I am a poor tulip boy with not a purse nor a name made to grow tulips in clay and sleep in my shoes on a poor tulip boy wage happy, to sell none today.

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7 votes so far. Yours would make 8.7 votes so far

9 comments

[n/a] cyan9 10-Jan-06/5:36 AM Reply

What on earth is this???

[n/a] richa › cyan9 12-Jan-06/1:46 PM Reply

a fish. What did you think it was.

[9] zodiac 10-Jan-06/8:26 AM Reply

The poor tulip boy has poor taste
that he loves his patch
and his trowel and spade
and his landlord, the dame

that he sells to in the market
his red and yellow flames.
I am a poor tulip boy
with not a purse nor a name,

made to grow tulips in clay
and sleep in my shoes
on a poor tulip boy wage,
happy to sell none today.

You're welcome. Nice.

[n/a] richa › zodiac 11-Jan-06/3:34 AM Reply

I'm not entirely happy but it has been a while so I thought I'd put one on p/r. How about the first two lines. I meant 'that' as in 'for it is the case' as a way to explain the statement 'he has poor taste'. Does it need punctuation between l1 and l2.

[9] zodiac › richa 12-Jan-06/1:52 PM Reply

I had to read it twice, but I got it. I don't know about punctuation. A comma after line1 might please everyone.

[8] Dovina 10-Jan-06/10:52 AM Reply

with neither a purse nor a name
or
with not a purse or a name

[8] http://mulberryfairy 10-Jan-06/8:26 PM Reply

seems like you are forcing some words in here for the sake of your meter- the poor tulip boy has poor taste "that" he loves... (for?)(as?)that doesn't seem to be the right definitive article. Ignoring your meter, I would take out the "that" completely, then remove the "ands" in the 3rd and 4th lines.
with neither purse nor name (why so many articles?)
I like the dichotomy of him loving his plot, but being on a wage- puzzling.

[9] ALChemy 12-Jan-06/2:34 PM Reply

Nice. Was there a specific purpose for using such feminine text? Don't get me wrong, it doesn't come across gay or anything. It just seems like you had a reason for using such tender language and I'm not sure what it is.

[9] amanda_dcosta 26-Mar-06/10:24 AM Reply

I think your title could have been ' Tulip boy'....it's more focused on him. and line 8 could read ' with neither purse nor name'. This is pretty good and conveys a scene I remember from Mussoorie (India) at the base of the Himalayas, where I first saw tulips.... the red and yellow flames. Keep writing!