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Tulip (Free verse) by richa The poor tulip boy has poor taste
that he loves his patch
and his trowel and spade
and his landlord, the dame,
that he sells to in the market
his red and yellow flames.
I am a poor tulip boy
with not a purse nor a name
made to grow tulips in clay
and sleep in my shoes
on a poor tulip boy wage
happy, to sell none today.
Up the ladder:
writer's block
Down the ladder:
A Spring bird in November (Edit)
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 8.285714
Posted: January 10, 2006 3:35 AM PST; Last modified: January 10, 2006 3:35 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.8836646 Overall Rank: 1520 Comments:
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cyan9 @ 217.40.63.105
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10-Jan-06/5:36 AM
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Reply
What on earth is this???
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richa @ 81.178.226.106
> cyan9
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12-Jan-06/1:46 PM
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Reply
a fish. What did you think it was.
The poor tulip boy has poor taste
that he loves his patch and his trowel and spade and his landlord, the dame that he sells to in the market his red and yellow flames. I am a poor tulip boy with not a purse nor a name, made to grow tulips in clay and sleep in my shoes on a poor tulip boy wage, happy to sell none today. You're welcome. Nice.
I'm not entirely happy but it has been a while so I thought I'd put one on p/r. How about the first two lines. I meant 'that' as in 'for it is the case' as a way to explain the statement 'he has poor taste'. Does it need punctuation between l1 and l2.
I had to read it twice, but I got it. I don't know about punctuation. A comma after line1 might please everyone.
with neither a purse nor a name
or with not a purse or a name
seems like you are forcing some words in here for the sake of your meter- the poor tulip boy has poor taste "that" he loves... (for?)(as?)that doesn't seem to be the right definitive article. Ignoring your meter, I would take out the "that" completely, then remove the "ands" in the 3rd and 4th lines.
with neither purse nor name (why so many articles?) I like the dichotomy of him loving his plot, but being on a wage- puzzling.
Nice. Was there a specific purpose for using such feminine text? Don't get me wrong, it doesn't come across gay or anything. It just seems like you had a reason for using such tender language and I'm not sure what it is.
I think your title could have been ' Tulip boy'....it's more focused on him. and line 8 could read ' with neither purse nor name'. This is pretty good and conveys a scene I remember from Mussoorie (India) at the base of the Himalayas, where I first saw tulips.... the red and yellow flames. Keep writing!
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