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Time Will Change (Free verse) by x0lovelylarnx0 Time will change like the leaves on a tree
Love will come and go
But you will soon be set free
Life will go on like a slow ticking clock
Your heart will take a different beat
But life won't be the same until you knock
You will hear someone answer with a mighty voice
God will come into your heart to live forever
But in the end it's God's choice
Up the ladder:
Infatuation
Down the ladder:
Slice Open My Body
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 2.6
Posted: March 24, 2006 4:22 PM PST; Last modified: March 24, 2006 4:22 PM PSTWeighted score: 4.713913 Overall Rank: 11966 Comments:
[5]
Dovina @ 70.38.78.229
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24-Mar-06/7:40 PM
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Reply
The first two verses are said so many times in poetry that unless you say it differently, it's a big yawn. In the third verse you begin something arguably unique. But the words "You will hear" stand there with no support like a street preacher. It could be a good poem, holding the same ideas, but better formed.
Words all jumbled up on paper,how clever?
OH and the use of God, how apt!
No that poem is not just words jumbled up on paper and also it did not deserve a 0 at all. That poem won contests, and is even in books. I worked hard to write that poem and it just does not desreve a 0. In christian beliefs, on judgement day it is going to be God's choice on whether you have eternal life with him or eternal life in hell. Sounds like to me that sice your comment was sarcastic that you don't believe in God, but that is not a reason to give someone a zero. I'm offened very much by your comment. just because someone has different beliefs doesn't mean that you go off and say something rude to them.
If you cannot take criticism don't put it out there man!I find it laughable you worked hard on this small piece,are you 9?
I have no opinion of you I do not know you I just judged your work honestly.Sorry we don't agree,thats life!After all who am I to say?You won lots of contests with this work. AGAIN WITH THE GOD BIT TRYING TO SCARE ME NOW, HOW AMERICAN! I AM FAR TO MATURE OF MIND TO GIVE THIS ANY CREDENCE. THEWORK IS LAME,NO RUDENESS INTENDED.
For one thing I'm certaintly not a man. Sometimes a short poem has more meaning than a long poem. I'm not 9. Some of your poems like like they were written by 5 year olds. Learn how to spell. You couldn't possibly be mature to have put I like horny girls in your profile. How can you say no rudeness intended? That is definitely a rude comment to say the work is lame, but if you put it the way you did: THEWORK IS LAME. I don't know what THEWORK means doesn't look like a word to me.
"THEWORK"
There is a bug in my computer. "THEWORK" is how they say the work in Olde Sussex.
Don't bother with him. He's uptight, British and a hypocrite. He's on a mission to change the worlds view of English people as intellectuals.
No I'm not
Of course you're not. In fact you're a "26(?) year old, intelligent, long haired, bohemian rhapsody currently living in a small hut just outside of Hastings, England. I don't work. I am not a conformist. I, like you, am artist, dreamer and revolutionary. Good looking fella, long blond hair, tats and piercings, likes horny girls." Which is all the more reason you should like campbellsoupgrl09. Why not put on some of that English charm we hear about in the states all the time. You don't always have to be Sid Vicious.
You are so right. He said he was mature, but look it says right in his profile that he likes horny girls. I like that comment.
Garrett, I always wonder why people get so jittery when they hear the word 'God'. Why not 'babes' or war or life or anything else. Why God? Maybe you could give me some insight on this, the 'OH and the use of God, how apt!' remark coming from you. Nothing personal, but I'm a bit curious.
This is good. But I would rather you modify the last line a bit. Some thing like, 'if only you will let him in.'
As for comments, ignore what might bother you. Let each one have their say, as long as you stand your ground.
I like your suggestion about the last line, but I will have to think over whether i want to change it or not. I also agree with you on the comments thing, but when I saw that 0 I just boiled.
In my opinion, the vote ratings aren't all that important. I don't think most members vote honestly due to territorial prejudices. It's the exchange of opinions and comments that's the biggest attraction and hit here on this site. If you're looking to make a stand on your poetic talent by way of votes, you might end up very disappointed. Nonetheless, don't be discouraged. Take part in the meaningless discussions; you might find something interesting to comment about.
ugh
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