poemranker ::Navy Pier by matt door

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Free verse № 140541

Navy Pier

by matt door

Member since 2005 · Posted 10 Mar 2006 · Edited 10 Mar 2006 · 7 comments

Lake Michigan's soft ceaseless cobalt breakers, its dulcet breeze by the Beer Garden, in such peculiar concert with your silly laugh, blew your strawberry hair against my cheek, as I drank the rest of your warm Black & Tan, and stared at the shimmering of your freckled shoulder; half-concerned sweat and sun, could make such splendor.

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mean 7.20 weighted 5.26 rank 3982 views 180 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

7 comments

[10] ecargo 10-Mar-06/7:56 PM Reply
I love it. My only suggestions: "it's" (line 3) should be "its"; and delete the period after laugh and lowercase "blew" (run-in), since it's modified by "breeze". Small stuff.
[10] ecargo › ecargo 10-Mar-06/8:01 PM Reply
Oh, yeah, and fix "Lake's."
[n/a] matt door › ecargo 10-Mar-06/8:11 PM Reply
Thank you.
[9] amanda_dcosta 11-Mar-06/12:10 AM Reply
I ain't familiar with drinks... and tell me, Black and Tan, what is it? Beer? Yeah, cancel the 'Lake'. Good work matt.
[n/a] zodiac 11-Mar-06/10:03 AM Reply
Stop posting this same poem. Are you ready to be Mature now, Doug?
[n/a] matt door › zodiac 12-Mar-06/8:46 AM Reply
No - I can't.
[8] Ranger 11-Mar-06/4:28 PM Reply
'In such peculiar concert/with your silly laugh' did it for me. A simple poem which manages to end up greater than the sum of its lines.