Re: no title by candaliesa	9-Dec-05/3:18 AM
morose with improved potency from the use of melodramatic cliche's. The rhyme was nice and it made a pleasurable read. You presented a common theme here, and you presented it well, but you did nothing to it, there was nothing new here, no inticacies (unless I am missing something) and so I can only rate it a -7-.
Re: Rub You Out by TLRufener	9-Dec-05/6:57 AM
Adds to the sadness of count all the stars, and the slammed door in the face adds a element of shock to the end; but you will attract cricism for the use of cliches and the lack of richness in the language you use. It seems to me that you use cliches as power sentances to demenstrate emotions in a powerful way, but other people are taking them as just cliches. To richen the language and reduce the critism for using cliches, why not start with a thesaurus and replace lines like 'Tearing down my dreams' with 'Castigating the meat of my accomplishments' or 'Excoriating the flesh of my aspirations' .... It may help on both accounts. Overall, just a bit sadder than the last.
regarding some deleted poem...	10-Dec-05/3:41 PM
What a Rat he must have been
Re: I saw Your Face Last Night by Dovina	12-Dec-05/9:08 AM
Lucky Guy
Re: Mixed Quartet by Dovina	19-Dec-05/6:53 AM
Provocative and very elegant in the 2nd verse. I dont think that this is the best poetry I have read from you, but it conducts a better more interesting experience in a clear manner. If there were anything to improve, perhaps the 1st and second verses could be enrichened in terms of language e.g. geneticists say -> geneticists exclaim in their gatherings, maybe thats not too good, but hopefully you will see what I am driving at.
Re: Pandora's Box by PoeticXTC	21-Dec-05/3:35 AM
1st verse is very good, conveys the anger/power well. 2nd verse fades off a bit and is less coherent.
Re: Never Let Go Again by TLRufener	22-Dec-05/3:59 AM
Oh the drama of it all, how will I ever go on living without you? well, Frankly my dear, I dont give a damn.
Re: Blackout, Amman, November, 2005 by zodiac	22-Dec-05/4:09 AM
My cup of tea
Re: Small-town Postal Clerk Considers Inspiration by zodiac	22-Dec-05/4:20 AM
My favourite out of yours so far
Re: When god manifested by Crakyamuni	22-Dec-05/4:30 AM
Would have voted 10 if it were not for the line "the words haunt the logic in my core", the words logic and core break from the rest of the poem a bit too much. If I am going to knitpick, the first few lines sem to meander nowhere, making a less enticing start to an excellent poem.
Re: Sunlighting by ALChemy	9-Jan-06/6:00 AM
Cute - but no cigar. Where is the content and the grit to this. I think this is written in a lovely way with rich language and soft tones, but I can’t find anything that gives me what I look for in a poem, it gives all the traditional things such as elegance and flow.... If I were I scholar in poetry then I would give this a 9 for being well-written, but as myself a 4 since it appears to be pointless (even as just an image there is nothing new, just nice well written poetry), I know I’m outnumbered 7 to 1 in this opinion, and that I’m going to embarrass myself somewhere with this comment later on when someone points out the not so hidden meaning, but I can’t find the point to this poem. 4 may be harsh, but I consider your work to be in a better league to most on here, and so I'll rate you by the standards you have set with your previous work, rather than the average on this site.
Re: A New Year Prayer by amanda_dcosta	9-Jan-06/6:05 AM
Epitomises an irritating and emetic type of yearning and humbleness that should be replaced with a more dignified form of submission to God.
Re: What Matters by Dovina	9-Jan-06/6:08 AM
You do much much better on a regular basis
Re: Cocoon by Caducus	9-Jan-06/6:21 AM
Nice ending, not the most seductive or venomous portrayal of an evil woman though.
Re: Bloody Stools 'n' Butterflies by EAger to Offend	9-Jan-06/6:23 AM
Too eager to offend, and not eager enougth to produce stimulating poetry.
Re: do i know you? by daggatolar	9-Jan-06/6:28 AM
This looks and even sounds like it has a meaning or is expressing something, in fact on 2nd read I think I got it. Like the unrecognizing part, in fact its growing on me, especially now the title. As a poem it is not too hot, but it stimulates and has drawn me in and conjured images and thoughts much more than most poems.
Re: portrait of powerlessness by digipoet	9-Jan-06/6:29 AM
Venomous
Re: floss every day by digipoet	9-Jan-06/6:30 AM
Making the peice more repetetive could add to its OCD like content
Re: the light of a truly bright day by digipoet	10-Jan-06/1:21 AM
Accurate description, but the bullet like/ rapid statements dont bring you out into the bright day, a softer final sentance might add some relief e.g The persistance of night was overcome, I'm sure with nicer language you could do better than that example, but I do think the structure could be altered to massively improve this piece
Re: portrait of powerlessness by digipoet	10-Jan-06/1:28 AM
Didn't like ending on the word sadism, would have voted [8-9] if the last line was secrecy, sadism, shame