| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
the light of a truly bright day (Free verse) by digipoet misplaced desire
revealed
dangerous impulse
tempered
arsenic attitude
transmuted
icy malice
melted
persistent night
overcome
Up the ladder:
do i know you?
Down the ladder:
Of Pride and Climate
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.5
Posted: January 9, 2006 8:58 PM PST; Last modified: January 9, 2006 9:25 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.0596013 Overall Rank: 6739 Comments:
[6]
cyan9 @ 217.40.63.105
|
10-Jan-06/1:21 AM
|
Reply
Accurate description, but the bullet like/ rapid statements dont bring you out into the bright day, a softer final sentance might add some relief e.g The persistance of night was overcome, I'm sure with nicer language you could do better than that example, but I do think the structure could be altered to massively improve this piece
I agree. But a clever twist would be nice - maybe, A bright cloudy day, or somesuch.
well done- we had one of those bright days today
169 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
