poemranker ::I saw Your Face Last Night by Dovina

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Free verse № 134961

I saw Your Face Last Night

by Dovina

Member since 2004 · Posted 11 Dec 2005 · 14 comments

each line, each feature in the ceiling as I lay in bed your eyes urgently staring lips parted as if to receive sleep distant your illusion hovered reaching to me I lay still, staring not wishing to lose you in half-sleep I tasted you in mind waited for you to invade dreams An empty place beside me the sheets there cold I traced your arms and back

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mean 5.57 weighted 5.15 rank 5211 views 312 View voting details →

7 votes so far. Yours would make 8.7 votes so far

14 comments

[7] cyan9 12-Dec-05/9:08 AM Reply
Lucky Guy
[6] zodiac 12-Dec-05/12:32 PM Reply
I Saw Your Face Last Night

as I lay in bed,
each line, each feature
in the ceiling,

your eyes urgently staring,
lips parted as if to receive.

Sleep distant
your illusion hovered,
reaching to me.

I lay still, staring,
not wishing to lose you
in half-sleep,

I tasted you in mind,
waited for you to invade dreams.

An empty place beside me,
the sheets there cold,
I traced your arms and back.
[n/a] Dovina › zodiac 12-Dec-05/2:53 PM Reply
That's not bad, not bad at all. Thanks.
[8] ALChemy 12-Dec-05/7:11 PM Reply
This is OK but many of your comments contain a more impressive use of language than this poem does.
[n/a] Dovina › ALChemy 13-Dec-05/9:43 AM Reply
Thank you.
[6] zodiac 12-Dec-05/7:43 PM Reply
"Mahommed professed to derive from Heaven, and he has inserted in the Koran, not only a body of religious doctrines, but political maxims, civil and criminal laws, and theories of science.

The gospel, on the contrary, only speaks of the general relations of men to God and to each other - beyond which it inculcates and imposes no point of faith. This alone, besides a thousand other reasons, would suffice to prove that the former of these religions will never long predominate in a cultivated and democratic age, whilst the latter is destined to retain its sway at these as at all other periods."
[8] ALChemy › zodiac 12-Dec-05/8:34 PM Reply
Found a good website for quotes, huh?
Here's one that might amuse you.
http://www.poemhunter.com/john-updike/quotations/poet-16653/page-1/
[6] zodiac › ALChemy 13-Dec-05/1:55 AM Reply
No. I found the quote about not executing political criminals in the back of my Peace Corps Handbook. Weird, huh?

Either someone culled John Updike's "pronouncements" for the most cloying and obvious, or he's dimmer than I've ever imagined.
[8] ALChemy › zodiac 13-Dec-05/3:20 AM Reply
You should have seen him on book TV(alive and well I might add). I think he's going a little senile.
[7] wilco 13-Dec-05/1:55 PM Reply
To be honest, I didn't even realize this was you until I went back and looked to see who the writer was. I think you're selling yourself short here. I really thought this was done by one of our kiddieposters (albeit a more advanced one.)
[n/a] Dovina › wilco 13-Dec-05/3:38 PM Reply
It's not a language I speak well - love. The kiddieposters are often better at it than I. I think that being close to something makes me a lesser poet at it until the thing settles into some sensible and kind of mysterious solid.
[6] zodiac › Dovina 13-Dec-05/6:32 PM Reply
In all honesty, try writing your poem about imperfect and unidealized love, and I think you'll come closer to what you're aiming for.
[n/a] Dovina › zodiac 13-Dec-05/6:36 PM Reply
I didn't think of it as ideal, maybe cliched though. Actually, in half-sleep, ideal images often appear.
[4] nentwined 13-Dec-05/5:07 PM Reply
up to "waited for you to invade dreams" flowed well for me, though "I tasted you in mind" started the downfall for me, I suppose. The beginning really needs an ending to make it exceptional, to me, and it doesn't get there.