| Re: Jennifer Logan by rahson_s |
12-Jul-06/10:21 AM |
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Honesty is the best policy. This is just fine the way it is.
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| Re: I hate making titles by drnick |
13-Jul-06/6:45 PM |
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This is a good description. If it was a metaphor for something it would be amazing but it seems to not be attached to any thing specific except a row of trees. Maybe a title like "State Park" or something would help give it more of a setting.
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| Re: Selkie (An Antique of Lurid Partes - w/Girl on Girl Action!) by ecargo |
13-Jul-06/7:02 PM |
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It's all about the finish with the long ones and this one is orgasmic.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Jul-06/9:24 PM |
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You should end with something more ambiguous than the last 3 lines, maybe with just something like "Thank you God" that way the poem can also be symbolic of a liberated woman. It's an adorable little story by the way. :-)
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| Re: An Interview With King David by amanda_dcosta |
19-Jul-06/10:14 AM |
I can't get chat to work for me, sorry.
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| Re: Contractual Paradox of the Old by Dovina |
20-Jul-06/12:26 PM |
This reminds me of the movie "Network". You should rent it and pay attention to the love story part of the movie. The part with Faye Dunawaye and that old guy. Also, I wonder if this guy has a five year plan.
This sounds more like someone's diary entry than a poem meant to evoke the readers feelings or thoughts.
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| Re: To Talitha by amanda_dcosta |
20-Jul-06/12:34 PM |
True story: while walking home from my art class when I lived in Pittsburgh I saw a girl in a wheelchair contorted and obviously mentally and physically handycapped. She seemed happy at the time and she was holding in her hand a box. It was a board game with the word LIFE written across it in bold letters. I always wanted to make a painting of that.
I agree with Dovina though on the "Healthy wealthy" cliche.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
24-Jul-06/6:46 PM |
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Sounds "Country" which is why I'd prefer you change "broken and oaken" to "broke and oak".
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| Re: Life Goes On by Edna Sweetlove |
24-Jul-06/6:57 PM |
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| Re: Suicide Dream by Ranger |
24-Jul-06/7:06 PM |
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The introduction almost makes me wonder if the narrator killed her.
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| Re: Trash by drnick |
24-Jul-06/9:00 PM |
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Nice expression of the one man's trash is another's treasure sentiment.
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| Re: A Time to Dance by Dovina |
24-Jul-06/9:13 PM |
WOW. I getting to see into a part of women I've never seen before and it's located nowhere near the vagina.
Not enough info for most others to see this the way the lucky few of us will but for those few it's quite insightful.
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| Re: Ode to the Irish Pub by mindsigns |
27-Jul-06/5:54 AM |
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You can't possibly be Irish.
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| Re: Diary by Dovina |
28-Jul-06/6:14 AM |
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The jail cell metaphor competes with the main metaphor of the poem. It tends to confuse people when you put an unconnected metaphor inside a bigger metaphor. Otherwise very interesting and thought provoking.
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| Re: Wisdom by crazyknight |
28-Jul-06/6:25 AM |
O, those space fillers
useless words for syllables.
This Haiku does suck.
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| Re: 08:12AM Hiroshima by Caducus |
28-Jul-06/6:35 AM |
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How do you capture hell in a jar? I'm not sure anyone can but I salute you for trying.
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| Re: fragment by ecargo |
29-Jul-06/8:11 AM |
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Reminds me of the days of the cold war.
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| Re: Hot by Dovina |
1-Aug-06/3:25 AM |
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The last 4 lines sound cliche but the rest is golden.
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| Re: Here's your God by Caducus |
1-Aug-06/7:43 AM |
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Whoever will you have left to blame if everyone stops believing in God? Maybe then we'll blame the soccer fans.
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| Re: Cold Collapse by MacFrantic |
1-Aug-06/8:15 AM |
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I'm getting melting polar ice caps from it. Sounds really good.
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