| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Cold Collapse (Free verse) by MacFrantic I snap and grapple
With the land animal
Approaching me at degrees unknown
And latitudes unknown
And beneath strange letters in the sky
We aren't sweet compliments
Or gracious arguments or anything
We're sweet disintegration
Like granules in gestation
And nothing more
How so you in crew
And what biting balance do
Forever I will spend the fighter's trend
A catatonic animated crater
That levels several ladders
Half of every day comes clear
This polar pointing pier
What shakes in column quake
I can't compound your wake
My cold collapse
Up the ladder:
Breakfast
Down the ladder:
The Romance of Death and Winter
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.5
Posted: July 28, 2006 6:50 PM PDT; Last modified: July 28, 2006 6:50 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.0596013 Overall Rank: 6788 Comments:
[n/a]
Dovina @ 70.38.78.229
|
29-Jul-06/3:13 PM
|
Reply
I wish I could figure this out. It sounds like it might be interesting.
Cool sounds in this, Mac--"snap and graaaaple; laaand aaaanimal, you in crew/biting balance do; levels several ladders; etc. Love the long vowel sounds throughout, the casual rhyming, the wordplay. You need a little more coherence though--not necessarily a linear narrative or a story, but something strong enough to give the suggestion of (if not actual) sense/structure. Don't let the rhymes drive it too much either. Cool.
I'm getting melting polar ice caps from it. Sounds really good.
175 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
