ecargo1 Aug 2006

Cool sounds in this, Mac--"snap and graaaaple; laaand aaaanimal, you in crew/biting balance do; levels several ladders; etc. Love the long vowel sounds throughout, the casual rhyming, the wordplay. You need a little more coherence though--not necessarily a linear narrative or a story, but something strong enough to give the suggestion of (if not actual) sense/structure. Don't let the rhymes drive it too much either. Cool.