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Contractual Paradox of the Old (Free verse) by Dovina His eyes on mine across the table,
his thoughts already in my bed.
My heart is ready,
but:
a paper bound the two of them
before she died,
and it binds us not;
the churchâs blessing on their coupling
blesses not ours.
But if heâs fulfilled again,
he must do it soon,
for heâll be not able long,
and a second paperâs not like hers,
not from only youth and passion,
devoid of assets, heirs and such.
To go where she would never go,
or hold the truths Iâve always held:
a legal tie or one of love,
a complication or a joy.
Up the ladder:
Lunch with the Beast
Down the ladder:
The chance is lost inside all of my tears
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.75
Posted: July 19, 2006 3:53 PM PDT; Last modified: July 19, 2006 3:53 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.2086053 Overall Rank: 4477 Comments:
[10]
amanda_dcosta @ 202.164.136.176
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20-Jul-06/8:17 AM
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Reply
Beautiful... it's like you tell a story, oh well, what am I talking... you are telling a story ... of expectations and of hoping. Give it time... and the story will unfold further... though it's hard work.
[n/a]
Dovina @ 12.72.43.6
> amanda_dcosta
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20-Jul-06/9:49 AM
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Reply
Thanks, Mandy. Kids don't think about the standards their parents lived by and how it is for them now they're old. Instead of compassion, they poke insult, and it's bunk.
This reminds me of the movie "Network". You should rent it and pay attention to the love story part of the movie. The part with Faye Dunawaye and that old guy. Also, I wonder if this guy has a five year plan.
This sounds more like someone's diary entry than a poem meant to evoke the readers feelings or thoughts.
I have seen neither the movie nor the diary of which you speak. As for the guyâs five year plan, it looked to me, as I was watching their eyes meet, that his intentions went way beyond that.
The 5 yr. plan was an obscure reference to the scene in the Adam Sandler movie Big Daddy where he asks his girlfreind why she's dumping him for a much older man. Here's the lines that follow:
Vanessa: "He has a five year plan." Sonny: "What is it? 'Don't die'?"
Yet again you've raised the standard of your writing even further. The only thing I'm uncertain of here is the colon after 'but'. Nothing else to say.
I love flattery, even with an uncertain but.
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