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fragment (Free verse) by ecargo And so the fall, lost past its mastersâ keeping,
uncounted hours, sands bleed red skyâs stain.
With dawnlight rocketsâ screams
comes womenâs weeping,
Another golden hour of the reign.
Turn blindly to the blare of hollow chatter,
the flicker-flash of eons come undone,
a thousand rockets burst in eveningâs leavings,
a thousand hopes lie shattered in the sun.
Up the ladder:
The Blooding
Down the ladder:
Old ways
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 9.571428
Posted: July 28, 2006 1:41 PM PDT; Last modified: July 28, 2006 1:41 PM PDTWeighted score: 6.2294464 Overall Rank: 944 Comments:
[9]
Dovina @ 17.255.240.138
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28-Jul-06/5:18 PM
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Reply
I like the blare/Blair inuendo, if it is one - works for me. The "eons come undone" line reads as if some new thing is going on - new ways of doing it maybe. The thousand rockets equation to a thousand hopes makes it look like every rocket kills a hope, which is far from true. "past it's masters' keeping" shows the crude technology, and the rest shows how it is working.
Reminds me of the days of the cold war.
Great meter. Just great.
Just your basic iambic pentameter, but thanks. ;)
If 'blare' is meant as a pun, then I feel I must protest in the strongest possible way. Having been subject to his rule, I can safely say that his chatter is never empty. It is crammed to the rafters with bullshit.
Oh, and good poem ;-) 254 view(s)
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