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Hot (Free verse) by Dovina
Leaves hang limp outside my door. Mountains dissolve in murk. Air clogs in straining throats. Life crawls in sodden heat, while the laughing sun turns Fahrenheit degrees, tighter,like a vice; and a watched sun never sets. As evening creeps upon us, the vice reluctantly loosens, giving in a bit, first under thirsty trees, then the shaded road, and for a little while, we sleep. But the smog is mostly gone, having lost its fifties hold. The globe is warming, scientists say, and if they’re right, the children pay.

Up the ladder: Shoebox Thoughts
Down the ladder: I AM...

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.5
Weighted score: 5.4034123
Overall Rank: 3170
Posted: July 30, 2006 4:17 PM PDT; Last modified: July 30, 2006 5:13 PM PDT
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Comments:
[8] MacFrantic @ 172.192.126.180 | 31-Jul-06/1:04 PM | Reply
Good message, maybe replace the second vice with something else. Love the rhythm, especially the first stanza.
[n/a] Dovina @ 12.72.37.50 > MacFrantic | 1-Aug-06/1:05 PM | Reply
Yep, I think “grip” will suit the second usage of “vice” better. Thanks
[9] Ranger @ 81.156.72.146 | 1-Aug-06/12:35 AM | Reply
Grand, some excellent lines ('a watched sun never sets'). 'Loosens' was a bit cumbersome for my reading. No other problems. Is 'fifties' meant as double for the 1950's (sans pollution) and for 50 degrees (it'd have to be centigrade though, unless you meant it as a 50 degree angle to refer back to the sun...)?
[n/a] Dovina @ 12.72.37.50 > Ranger | 1-Aug-06/1:05 PM | Reply
The 1950’s in Southern California were a time of excruciating lung pains from smog. So thick was the toxic haze that the government issued “smog alerts” and advised everyone to stay indoors. Those days are gone with the advent of air pollution controls. The other interpretations of “fifties” are understandable to anyone from other parts of the world.

I don’t quite understand the problem with “loosens” though. Thanks for the comment.
[9] ALChemy @ 71.75.188.163 | 1-Aug-06/3:25 AM | Reply
The last 4 lines sound cliche but the rest is golden.
[n/a] Dovina @ 12.72.34.50 > ALChemy | 1-Aug-06/1:25 PM | Reply
Global warming is becoming cliché. You are right there. The problem is that few people seem to care. The children will pay for our not caring, and for that I endure cliché.
[9] amanda_dcosta @ 202.164.138.15 | 1-Aug-06/9:17 AM | Reply
A cool poem for a 'Hot' theme.
[n/a] Dovina @ 12.72.34.50 > amanda_dcosta | 1-Aug-06/1:26 PM | Reply
Thanks Mandy
[4] Stephen Robins @ 213.146.148.199 | 24-Aug-06/6:33 AM | Reply
or not?
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