Replying to a comment on:

Hot (Free verse) by Dovina

Leaves hang limp outside my door. Mountains dissolve in murk. Air clogs in straining throats. Life crawls in sodden heat, while the laughing sun turns Fahrenheit degrees, tighter,like a vice; and a watched sun never sets. As evening creeps upon us, the vice reluctantly loosens, giving in a bit, first under thirsty trees, then the shaded road, and for a little while, we sleep. But the smog is mostly gone, having lost its fifties hold. The globe is warming, scientists say, and if they’re right, the children pay.

Ranger 1-Aug-06/12:35 AM
Grand, some excellent lines ('a watched sun never sets'). 'Loosens' was a bit cumbersome for my reading. No other problems. Is 'fifties' meant as double for the 1950's (sans pollution) and for 50 degrees (it'd have to be centigrade though, unless you meant it as a 50 degree angle to refer back to the sun...)?




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001