look east when you leave west

Member since 2002 · Posted 8 Apr 2005 · Edited 11 Apr 2005 · 2 comments

Feeling atlas blue the Atlantic pulse quickens; pulling me in currents I fight it with leaden arms to a face down death. Staring at the ocean you loved my soup of bones. Soon you leave. Leaving your poetry on scarred skies of empty lines; looking east on top of the World as I look west from hell, whispering to greek gods 'return her to me.' I will sleep now weep now keep somehow the memories, the smile from her eyes warmth of skin, till her triple seven sunrise Leaves me some of her within. Iâll never love again be loved again this way write another poem for I lived a sonnet this day.

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2 comments

[9] Dovina 8-Apr-05/7:55 AM Reply

Something about writing a poem about never writing another poem is very nice.
Greek gods, not Gods.
Good title.

[8] zodiac 12-Apr-05/6:05 AM Reply

There seem to be a lot of dangling, misplaced, or mismodifying participle phrases in this. Some examples:

"Feeling atlas blue the Atlantic pulse quickens;"

"pulling me in currents I fight it with leaden arms"

"Staring at the ocean you loved my soup of bones."

I wonder if you realize you're writing about an Atlantic pulse that feels blue, you pulling yourself in currents, and a woman who loves bone soup (but not necessarily the ocean).