| Re: Glory Bound by kazeaki |
4-Apr-05/9:21 AM |
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"let them say you are of nothing made".....the whole inverting words to make things rhymes just doesnt sound good..
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| Re: Icarus Down by horus8 |
4-Apr-05/9:25 AM |
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| Re: Was it real by mishy_lee |
4-Apr-05/9:27 AM |
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"i'm dying here slowly" - this part sounds nice - but the rest seems kind of forced --
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
4-Apr-05/9:27 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
4-Apr-05/9:29 AM |
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the rhyming is so forced that it distracted me from w/e you were trying to say.......
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| Re: Pleas Dont.. by MysticalRaven88 |
4-Apr-05/9:31 AM |
we all suffer - suck it up
if your feeling sad - this may sound good to you but to the rest of world its dribble - try writing about sadness when you're happy and happiness when you're sad - it works better that way
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| Re: What Does it Mean to be Human by Sterling5583 |
4-Apr-05/9:33 AM |
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good questions - not sure how well it would work in lyrical form....
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| Re: The Long Night by Tangerines |
4-Apr-05/9:34 AM |
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i like the way this paints a pictures of the person, but is simply written
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| Re: Nobody's Story (A guide thru chaos) by horus8 |
4-Apr-05/9:45 AM |
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10 because i didnt think someone could keep my attention for 14 minutes but you did -
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| Re: Everytime by krazymofo321 |
6-Apr-05/9:50 AM |
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nice sentiment but its really not that original, and sounds kind of pimply
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| Re: ?? by timvick473662003 |
6-Apr-05/9:57 AM |
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| Re: NIGHTMILK SUNBLOOD by horus8 |
6-Apr-05/10:01 AM |
you have the unnerving habit of writing poems twice the length they need to be,
have you considered seeing the dali exhibit in philly?
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| Re: Biased. by darby pyn |
6-Apr-05/10:04 AM |
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| Re: Coloured waifs home by horus8 |
8-Apr-05/6:54 PM |
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this is actually a senryu
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| Re: Within A World by forestchild7 |
9-Apr-05/9:04 AM |
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"as if it wil all my problems mend" ---- if you can't make your rhyming sound at all natural perhaps you should not try rhyming - this sounds incredibly forced
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| Re: You Were There by danevie |
9-Apr-05/9:14 AM |
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you have the disconcerting habit of having someone remedy your ills in the past tense while you are still in the present-----
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| Re: Kansas City by PodPoet |
9-Apr-05/9:26 AM |
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| Re: The Masonic Underling & the 33 degree by horus8 |
9-Apr-05/9:44 AM |
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again,this is senryu not haiku
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| Re: Rustling Wind by laura2224rn |
9-Apr-05/9:53 AM |
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i'm sorry but there is no answer to all the worldy grief's - that is one question that has puzzled philosophers for centuries
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| Re: Before Existence by Jsylum |
9-Apr-05/9:57 AM |
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i love some of the imagery
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