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Within A World (Free verse) by forestchild7
Lost within a world of wonder, pausing where the streams don't flow; It's quiet, and I can feel the sunlight, streaming past me in little patches of gold. I step lightly and pause, listening to the birds, As they chirp and warble, and I know they are true words. I settle beside a tree, and listen to the wind; It wails and whistles to me, as if it will all my problems mend. This world of wonder seems such a beautiful place, And I sit here and think, of how I may spread the Mother's grace. We don't always listen; We're not always sure, but when we see the creation, We want to always be near her. So listen to your heart, Be quiet so the silence may speak; Remember Gaia's wisdom, and how we may be meek.

Down the ladder: Regrets, No More

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.818182
Weighted score: 5.409091
Overall Rank: 3078
Posted: July 7, 2002 12:50 PM PDT; Last modified: July 7, 2002 12:50 PM PDT
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Comments:
[10] ==Doylum @ 213.122.169.69 | 19-Jul-02/5:45 AM | Reply
Nother of thos lovely Ippy poems that speeks volumes about modern life. Gaia's wisdom, oh how true you are. Again I can't fault you, what a wonderful piece of writing
With not a turgid or pompous line insight. Heres ye well earned 10
[5] nentwined @ 192.168.0.69 | 31-Jul-02/4:29 AM | Reply
the flow feels off for me; it would feel much more immediate, for instance, if "streaming past me in little patches of gold" read as "streaming past in patches of gold". (and so on...)

a nice message, but I couldn't get into it as a poem.
[5] dancin_n_da_moonlite @ 152.163.100.135 | 9-Apr-05/9:04 AM | Reply
"as if it wil all my problems mend" ---- if you can't make your rhyming sound at all natural perhaps you should not try rhyming - this sounds incredibly forced
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