Re: a comment on Father’s Day by Dovina	19-Jun-05/7:01 PM
I want it to jar - not just that line, but all of it. The son does not have to become like his father. I believe the core of a man can improve.
Re: Contemplation by raiyna	19-Jun-05/6:57 PM
zodiac: I thought your new and more constructive criticism, which you introduced in the last month or so, would preclude giving a 10 with no comment,and especially giving a 10 when you probably don't mean it. I think a poet receiving a 10 or a 0 always deserves some comment. As for the poem, it expresses personal feelings in a not-very-poetic way. Needs to be shortened and the line spacing does noit help.
Re: grin and stand by celticskatermatt1	19-Jun-05/6:50 PM
In addition to spelling, please reconsider "firey eyes." Otherwise a pretty good expression of teen awe.
Re: a comment on Eulogy for a Poet by Dovina	19-Jun-05/6:41 PM
Not meant as a slam, really. These are mistakes I have made, and that I see many poets making. After we die, what matters?
Re: Judgement by penguin fiend	17-Jun-05/8:14 PM
Leave "that" out of the second line and this is good.
Re: Make Love to Me by drumrgirl30	17-Jun-05/8:02 PM
Omit "so much" from Verse 3 and this is pretty good.
Re: word splatter by nentwined	17-Jun-05/4:36 PM
What did she see that brought forth a welling of bile? Or is the bile figurative for what you saw? In either case - yuck - why the last line?
Re: Confused Love by Damien	17-Jun-05/12:30 PM
This is a good theme that could be a good poem. As it is you have an outline for a poem
Re: When the muse calls. by darby pyn	17-Jun-05/10:32 AM
Not a poem, but some good thoughts that could be made into a poem.
Re: Love by untamed_fierce	17-Jun-05/10:29 AM
rockmage is worng. Nevertheless, this is a weak or incomplete poem.
Re: Special Place by untamed_fierce	17-Jun-05/10:27 AM
It has such a nice rhythm that the lines which don't really stand out.
Re: Naughty Poems (R) by untamed_fierce	17-Jun-05/10:25 AM
These are very funny! Did you write all of them; some seem familiar, but I'm not accusing you of anything, could be that they are just the kind of thing I've heard before.
Re: a comment on Unclean by Dovina	16-Jun-05/3:39 PM
Please see zodiac’s explanation below on how different Islamic culture is from Mohammed’s teaching. We are dealing with a male-centered society where women are dirt! I have looked at your suggested line edits and, while I find no overt grammatical errors or ugly structure, your opinion on this is as good as mine. Your changes would simplify the reading, making it more like an essay, less like a poem. Your point about trying to make Allah better by casting the woman out would be a good point if that were what I meant. (It’s the same point zodiac makes below.) The fact that both of you took it that way means that I might want to rephrase. Surely, the husband did not think Allah needs improvement. He probably thought that anything done to respect or adore Allah would be a good thing – “for Allah’s good.” I think I’ll change the last line to “to cast her out in Allah’s name.” A interesting thing about both Islam and Christianity is that the founder’s teachings have little impact the practices of those religions. Some of the churches are beginning to see that Jesus’ teachings actually have value as they are written, and some of the Islamic teachers are beginning to do the same with Mohammed’s words.
Re: Between the Edges by woodstock20000	16-Jun-05/12:47 PM
Good!
Re: Impeccable mess by sk8rs_rule_all	16-Jun-05/12:44 PM
"impeccable mess" says a lot. The rest of the poem wanders.
Re: Sisyphus' wife by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	16-Jun-05/12:36 PM
The first verse makes a clever point, but could do so in half the words. Lines 3-5 are almost repeats. Verse 2 is good up to "tryingto" and "bitches (bitch's) brew"
Re: a comment on Unclean by Dovina	16-Jun-05/12:08 PM
Again, thanks for the comment. I am changing the “robbers” line; see above comments.
Re: a comment on Unclean by Dovina	16-Jun-05/12:07 PM
Although the story was told as true, I suspect that the teller may have exaggerated the part about making her look like she’s been robbed. I think, from what you say and what I have read about Islamic societies, (and I’m talking about strict Islam like it was in Afghanistan before the war), that the robbed-woman image would not pass. I’ll change the poem to have her wounded as if from an accident of some kind. I don’t know why you laugh at “disgrace” in Stanza 2. Humiliation and a feeling of being disgraced are usual parts of rape-trauma. I was pointing out that for this woman those feelings are a far lesser concern that her husband’s discovery that she’d been raped. See my answer above for "cast her out for Allah's good"
Re: a comment on Eulogy for a Poet by Dovina	16-Jun-05/11:25 AM
Yep, that's what it says.
Re: a comment on Swoon by Dovina	16-Jun-05/11:24 AM
Thanks for the comments and for taking a suggestion on commenting more.