Re: a comment on Students by Blue Magpie	14-Jun-05/5:06 PM
12 though has got to go, and 13 is nonsense.
Re: a comment on Beach Volleyball by lil_evil_boi	14-Jun-05/4:56 PM
Shouldn't that be "Castles and coolers and tight bum flesh"?
Re: a comment on Smoky Mountain High by Dovina	14-Jun-05/3:53 PM
Your eyes are crossed.
Re: a comment on Wanted by Dovina	14-Jun-05/3:50 PM
"1880’s migrant lineage" is a good suggestion.
Re: Students by Blue Magpie	14-Jun-05/2:24 PM
I like the first 5 lines. Then it gets too much caught up in form and etherial meaninglessness.
Re: a comment on Mr. Campbell's final journey by jroday	14-Jun-05/12:49 PM
I see them now. With line spacing the way it is those rhymes don't add much to the flow.
Re: a comment on Mr. Campbell's final journey by jroday	14-Jun-05/10:08 AM
Except for prayer/chair, what rhymes?
Re: Mr. Campbell's final journey by jroday	14-Jun-05/10:07 AM
Pretty good, this one. A few line edits: Reality's rivers clasped hands troubled soul as he journeys
Re: Youth Spent by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	14-Jun-05/9:52 AM
It has some good lines, but overall it's too mushy for my taste. "love so clean so void of emptiness" seems disingenuous.
Re: a comment on Flamingo's Stare by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	14-Jun-05/9:38 AM
Sorry, yes. The haiku structure works well for some things, but I get a feeling of being restraind by it in this poem.
Re: a comment on Returning by Dovina	14-Jun-05/9:31 AM
Probably because of "Embers of burned out nights still glow between us." But that was not in my thoughts.
Re: a comment on Panama by Dovina	14-Jun-05/9:28 AM
Well, maybe a little. I hope it says more than raunchy though.
Re: a comment on Prickly Pear by Dovina	14-Jun-05/9:25 AM
By Job, you’ve got it.
Re: a comment on Unclean by Dovina	14-Jun-05/9:19 AM
I’m glad you saw the scene as you read it. Any disagreement with premise or a feeling that the poem is insensitive, I fully respect. This story was told to me by a person close to the events, and told as a true story.
Re: a comment on on passing through some small town by Dental Panic	13-Jun-05/4:58 PM
I only meant to drop the first line.
Re: I Wrote A Poem by Blue Magpie	13-Jun-05/4:22 PM
Like Dr. Seuss. The ending is weak.
Re: Flamingo's Stare by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	13-Jun-05/4:18 PM
I think you could say this better with the restraints of haiku.
Re: on passing through some small town by Dental Panic	13-Jun-05/4:15 PM
Drop the first line. Second verse is good.
Re: A Hallmark Card for You (With Love) by Bluemonkey	13-Jun-05/3:34 PM
I'm trying to think of someone I might send this to, and coming up blank.
Re: -750,000 in Rwanda by ALChemy	13-Jun-05/3:23 PM
The last verse is better now, but look at the grammar and spelling. desecration abound (number disagreement) There are more bodies (There are - not needed) snapping THIER necks.