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Flamingo's Stare (Haiku) by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk
stealing glances in many directions I see you staring at me shift positions crafting a new parallax now I'm watching you watching me from that angle I can tell that you really don't see me only a glimmer out of the corner of my eye shows me you left the pool we were in politely observing each other in the murk.

Down the ladder: broodmood

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.6666665
Weighted score: 5.0794687
Overall Rank: 6440
Posted: June 12, 2005 1:19 AM PDT; Last modified: June 12, 2005 1:19 AM PDT
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Comments:
[9] deleted user @ 81.69.23.196 | 12-Jun-05/4:59 AM | Reply
This has a solid, logical structure. Nothing's happening...and there's no need for. Plenty of low crackling electricity. Dare I call this a good poem? I do
[7] Dovina @ 69.175.32.185 | 13-Jun-05/4:18 PM | Reply
I think you could say this better with the restraints of haiku.
[n/a] Bankrupt_Word_Clerk @ 69.231.20.35 > Dovina | 14-Jun-05/12:19 AM | Reply
do you mean 'without' the restraints?
[7] Dovina @ 69.175.32.185 > Bankrupt_Word_Clerk | 14-Jun-05/9:38 AM | Reply
Sorry, yes. The haiku structure works well for some things, but I get a feeling of being restraind by it in this poem.
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