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Youth Spent (Free verse) by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk
peace resting on the leaf dew 'vaporates off the edge fog shreds apart under its brilliant whiteness yellow golden fair and light smile sears into a man's skin with a mellow hum of heat and cold prickles when the pores contract under the light. We spend the morning eating the rich, and laughing at the unblemished joggers Sun is gone. Night is upon us. Your eyes catching and reflecting luminous orbs of starlit wonder dark skies press the light through pinprick holes that I see in your pupils when we are this close together on the night lawns of serious love. Trapped inside of your vibrant gaze my heart heaves and twists at the twinge of love so clean so void of emptiness a love that soothes the fear Of playing scrabble alone lady of my youth, For clinging to me My undying gratitude for what you've brought the bargain has been met-- the oath fulfilled.

Up the ladder: Bondage
Down the ladder: mass on key

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.0
Weighted score: 4.880797
Overall Rank: 10248
Posted: June 14, 2005 1:20 AM PDT; Last modified: June 14, 2005 1:20 AM PDT
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Comments:
[6] Dovina @ 69.175.32.185 | 14-Jun-05/9:52 AM | Reply
It has some good lines, but overall it's too mushy for my taste. "love so clean so void of emptiness" seems disingenuous.
[n/a] Bankrupt_Word_Clerk @ 71.130.59.26 > Dovina | 14-Jun-05/11:07 AM | Reply
happily married and mushy. It's pretty sappy I admit.
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