Re: a comment on Acrylic French Nails by Dovina	13-Jun-05/3:13 PM
A comma after "ordinary" will hopefully ameliorate your first legitimate complaint. A comma after "right" may help with your second, but I doubt it. As a sentence, it might read: "I could not imagine one so bored with looking right, she employs devices to be different."
Re: a comment on Acrylic French Nails by Dovina	12-Jun-05/4:47 PM
Good suggestions. Thanks.
Re: a comment on Acrylic French Nails by Dovina	10-Jun-05/12:30 PM
The same thing I was saying about yours. And I tried so hard, in this revision, to make it clear. :(
Re: a comment on Acrylic French Nails by Dovina	10-Jun-05/12:28 PM
I don't find it so.
Re: a comment on A Kiss In Shadows (quite happy for me) by Caducus	10-Jun-05/12:25 PM
I don't think either of them is that naive. They might say it, but they don't believe it.
Re: a comment on Acrylic French Nails by Dovina	10-Jun-05/12:22 PM
French nail ends is grammically consistant with French nails because both are plural. To say French nails ends is silly.
Re: Missing by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	10-Jun-05/11:16 AM
First verse is good. But then it gets wordy and convoluted in places. "I watch you and wonder to myself" for example - is there any way to wonder besides to yourself? And what is this "darkness engulfing me"? Still, the poem has potential.
Re: Muggy by fevriere	10-Jun-05/11:10 AM
I wish the first verse carried the meter of the rest.
Re: A Kiss In Shadows (quite happy for me) by Caducus	10-Jun-05/10:56 AM
This starts our really good. I don't know what you mean by the slabs rolling, or why she still looked 20. Verse 3 is great. Verse 4 is good. "wood" must refer to her cane. Verse 5 is a bit strange, and kissing on shadows of the lost - well, I see you relating to the old couple as you imaging aging with your lover, but it could be better said.
Re: a comment on Snow by lil_evil_boi	9-Jun-05/8:13 PM
Even though your poem "Faith" is a direct quote from Hebrews 11:1, I take your word for it when you say you learned it from your father and did not copy it from the Bible. If you were a plagiarizer, I think it would have shown up in your other postings too; but as far as I can see it has not. I think everyone should get off your back about this.
Re: Why? by windyone	9-Jun-05/8:08 PM
The first two lines express an important issue, but not very well. Criticism can help writers who have something to say, say it better. Most of the criticism here does not do that.
Re: lawngazing by skaskowski	9-Jun-05/8:03 PM
The first verse is perfect. Second verse can be taken so many ways thet I wish it were more directed. Third verse is good, but when I try to relate it to the first, I come up wanting. Overall, I like this kind of poem.
Re: a comment on Dovecote by zodiac	9-Jun-05/3:25 PM
Someone who returned from an Islamic country told me she talked with a woman who had been raped. The woman told her that her greatest concern was not disease, disgrace, possible prgnancy, or the injuries she had suffered, but that her husband might find out. Then she would become unclean in his eyes and be outcast from society.
Re: a comment on Haiku String of the Bee by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk	9-Jun-05/3:16 PM
Yeah, if you feel that way, but your metaphor of worker bees loving their queen - well, I doubt it.
Re: a comment on Smoky Mountain High by Dovina	9-Jun-05/3:11 PM
Summer is a fickle girl and may not answer the record rains of winter with record wildfire. But she could. For rhythm’s sake and for symmetry with the Mississippi Valley, the word "likely" could go. For keeping to what I want to say, something along that line is needed.
Re: on my hog by nentwined	7-Jun-05/7:16 PM
Rocks only sit on pavement when seven beats are needed in the second line of a haiku. Otherwise they are just on pavement, which sounds better. Damn forms.
Re: a comment on -750,000 in Rwanda by ALChemy	7-Jun-05/7:02 PM
Try it. You can always delete your comment by clicking the little red x.
Re: a comment on -750,000 in Rwanda by ALChemy	7-Jun-05/6:59 PM
I assume you are talking to me, but it's hard to know. If you will click on "reply" under a comment, then your response will be placed like mine is here under your comment.
Re: -750,000 in Rwanda by ALChemy	7-Jun-05/5:45 PM
Very good up to the last verse. I'd end it with "Kids are easy to kill." When you get preachy, it loses a lot of force.
Re: Chthonic Steppenwolf by SupremeDreamer	7-Jun-05/5:41 PM
Good, but words like mordant, cicatrize and chthonic are off-putting when familiar words will do. "Child spirit ripped apart, splayed across the rocks of time" - good line