Rocks only sit on pavement when seven beats are needed in the second line of a haiku. Otherwise they are just on pavement, which sounds better. Damn forms.
To be overly technical:
Three chambered kabooms? Harleys have two cylinders unless the sound is the 3 syllabled Po-ta-to sound . Yes, the approach is confusing. Maybe you don't need one. I'm just haranguessing you. I should talk, I ride a 95 Nighthawk which makes no such audible safety noises.
I suppose Hog implies Harley too strongly? Triumphs have three cylinders (at least, the thunderbird, and the speed triple... and I think everything else--it's their signature the same as Harley's Po-ta-to).
This is the first serious poem attempt in some time that's gotten consistently not-high marks. Good to happen. Hopefully I'll find something better in it.
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Hmm.
"fly from my approach" -> "they fly as I near"? Hmm.
See, I thought they were rocks, and it turned out they were birds.
I suppose I should sit on this one a bit more.
Three chambered kabooms? Harleys have two cylinders unless the sound is the 3 syllabled Po-ta-to sound . Yes, the approach is confusing. Maybe you don't need one. I'm just haranguessing you. I should talk, I ride a 95 Nighthawk which makes no such audible safety noises.
This is the first serious poem attempt in some time that's gotten consistently not-high marks. Good to happen. Hopefully I'll find something better in it.
Not great stuff, though.
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