| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Why? (Free verse) by windyone Why?
Do you always criticize because you can't cope?
Do you feel better when you take away hope?
Writing helps to set us free,
it's not just for you,not just for me.
Sometimes people are just starting out
words can hurt and cut like a knife,
be careful my friend to not add to their strife.
You don't always know what others are going through,
the way that they write is not up to you.
Up the ladder:
Big wave
Down the ladder:
The hypocrisy of calling it tolerance
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.3333335
Posted: June 9, 2005 7:06 AM PDT; Last modified: June 9, 2005 7:06 AM PDTWeighted score: 4.820706 Overall Rank: 10930 Comments:
The first two lines express an important issue, but not very well. Criticism can help writers who have something to say, say it better. Most of the criticism here does not do that.
Dovina's right. The few users that treat you as a serious amateur instead of a 'stroke my fur please' fetisjist are too few. And considered the fact that most users were breastfeeded the English language, the overall quality is a tragedy.
1) Don't assume we criticize because we can't cope. The truth is we all cope better than you, and the middle-school English teacher who told you people criticize because they can't cope couldn't cope.
2) re: "Do you feel better when you take away hope? " Do you feel better being hopeless? A: Only if you can somehow stop every single person on the planet from pointing out how hopeless you are. Which I imagine involves stopping time itself. 3) Writing for onesself is fantastic. I, for one, would never criticize someone for writing all kinds of smarm for their own private purposes. You, however, are doing something extra. Can you tell what? (Hint: it involves the internet and a site called poemRANKER.) 4) Because you obviously want real criticism, here: Don't rhyme knife and life ever ever again. 5) Punctuate consistently. If you can't figure out how, write your whole poem out like it's prose, like a story, and see where you've forgotten periods, commas, and other such. (Hint: Check the ends of lines!) 6) Of course we know what you're going through. We were there. About 100 years ago. People gave us all hell then, too, just like we're doing for you. Those of us who didn't cut it are over at autobodymechanicranker.com. Check them out. 7) re: "the way that they write is not up to you." Oh. I thought you were posting here to get our opinions. Oh, I see: not that kind of opinion. Is this one better. This is the best poem I've ever read and you're obviously a beautiful, gentle soul I had exactly the same experience once. 8) You're thinking of going to my poem list and zeroing the first title you see there. Please, by all means, do. Join the Dark Side. -10-
Thanks for your input,however don't assume Why was written for the rankers here.As for going to your poem list and zeroing it?
Ah, the sweet sound of paranoia! Re: 4) At least get it right,it was strife, not life.:-)This poem was written to a paranoid, loves to inflict pain on others s.o.b. because they are a miserable person. A good friend, quite young, who writes poetry and was hovering on the suicidal border, was being reamed by this piece of shit about her poetry at work, and so I immediately wrote it, handed it to the creep and made my friend smile, so shoot me! Re: Puncuation, yes, I admit it, I suck at it! Who could feel better being hopeless? Hope my puncuation was better on this so you'll like me, you'll really, really like me. Oh shit. Someone already used that line. Thanks for the offer to join the Dark Side, but an invite wasn't necessary. 187 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Writing helps to set us free
Do you feel better when you take away hope?
Sometimes people are just starting out
You don't always know what others are going through
the way that you write cuts like a knife
you criticize because you can't cope
words can hurt
Do you feel better?
Why?