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lawngazing (Free verse) by skaskowski shake me out,
i'm a blanket full of broken glass
and you need to be warm,
and i need to be wrapped round your shoulders
to feel
safe and secure myself.
so shake me free of the busted bottles
and mirror,
lay me out before you sit down
on the grass, it's too wet
this time of year,
and i need to soak up all of that dew
to feel like i belong
next to you
so lay me out so flat my teeth
jut into the soil.
bore holes into me
if you get thirsty,
the well is just a
drill away.
use my skull as a bucket
if you must,
relief is just a
dip away.
Up the ladder:
Dark Everlasting
Down the ladder:
Irish Holliday
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.0
Posted: June 3, 2005 11:35 PM PDT; Last modified: June 3, 2005 11:35 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.119203 Overall Rank: 5661 Comments:
[6]
deleted user @ 81.69.23.196
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4-Jun-05/4:22 AM
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Reply
Good last stanza
I saw the broken bottles and mirror as stars. So I went down the romance path and then the skull stopped my treading.
How were the bottles busted on a blanket? Not that it matters, I'm just curious.
i drink too much sometimes
No I mean: physically, how were the bottles broken by the blanket? I'd be saying the same thing if the blanket were full of bludgeoned kittens.
The first verse is perfect.
Second verse can be taken so many ways thet I wish it were more directed. Third verse is good, but when I try to relate it to the first, I come up wanting. Overall, I like this kind of poem. 243 view(s)
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