Free verse № 126613
A Kiss In Shadows (quite happy for me)
Veins inked their faces,
And I read their lives
In a novel of wrinkles.
He held her hand
Walked her speed
And he looked at her
watching slabs roll
to him she still looked twenty.
She wore a scarlet cardigan
And he wore pride.
She must have been a catch back then
Before her life
Wore her inside out.
I thought of their love,
Smiled till I wrinkled
And for a moment I was them
Just younger,
And holding on to hope
As she held on to wood
Clasping his hand which held her.
I am full of love today
and she is faraway.
I feel close to her though.
Golden from sunlight
On a grey pavement,
Where two ancient lovers
Stopped to kiss in my shadow,
And I closed my eyes
So I could see us together
Kissing years from now
On shadows of the lost
Where love is found.
9 comments
>>Just younger, And holding on to hope<<
You can't do this. It's ugly and it makes no sense.
>>there<<, in the first stanza. I don't get it.
I bet you have strong arms from all that self love.
Okay I changed the first bit - grammar and me divorced years back.
The 'my love' meant my girlfriend but i agree it sounds a bit gay and i bring her in to it later so it's not needed.
It's a draft and raw as the moment as intended. One of those inspired things that hit or miss, this is kind of both but was never meant to be anything to get anal about really.
Thanks for the pointers.
Then stop writing and start singing or painting or pantomiming
You need help. From a qualified homophobic psychiatrist.
Jesus on a bluetooth
I don't know what you mean by the slabs rolling, or why she still looked 20.
Verse 3 is great.
Verse 4 is good. "wood" must refer to her cane.
Verse 5 is a bit strange, and kissing on shadows of the lost - well, I see you relating to the old couple as you imaging aging with your lover, but it could be better said.
she still looked 20 to him as she still loks the same to him old because he loves her so much.
Just somehing my pos said about his wife
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