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Dovecote (Free verse) by zodiac
(for Bevy, from abroad) I'll call you, evenings, to hear the world's busyness. The hang in your voice, the kids burbling in the background, the slop and clatter of dishes in the sink. It's easier with seven hours' span of the world between us. Like hindsight - you could tell me how I've come to be lying just after midnight here with my face pressed on the cool washcloth of a kitchen floor. And I - I'd tell you what comes - after: the dishes filed in their rack, the kids packed off to bed, there comes a moment, always, however brief, when you're alone. Oh, I know the physics, how a day exists all at once. And for that matter (if you stretch the principle enough) how a year, or all the time worth counting, girdles the universe like a child's scrawl. That's why I call, nights: to greet you with lost time, the not-vacuum of transocean phoning, a hush meaning, "Bevy, same-age cousin, middle sister of prodigious smoke-ring blowers." And you: "Oh, it's Ricky." Then, "How've you BEEN?" Meaning, "drunk, and did you ever find that happiness the world seemed offering like a haze-line that might've been far woods when we were thirteen and scab-kneed?" I tell her, "Hey" (a croak, this,) "Hey, I was thinking 'bout that place you shared one summer with your mom and one you called, alternately, Father, Uncle and Prophet. You'd commandeered an empty dovecote, I remember, some relic, or fantasy, of antebellum, where you'd go, mornings. Waiting, I think, for the different kind of hush saying the day - or he - had awoken..." "Yes?" you'll say, knowing. "But hey, what did you DO there?" Thinking smoke-rings, love, beers from The Prophet's cooler. Or - "Nothing." "Nothing." And in the long quiet after, I'll hear your youngest has tipped over her paintwater spreading a green-brown rainbow across the table, and life does - it should, though - carry on, regardless. You'll say, "Oh Ricky, but you wouldn't understand it: we waited - and, well, it was something a little like praying." "Like praying?" "Yes. Yes. We prayed to him, I can't explain it." "Of course," I'll say. "The funny thing is, I know." You, like a concession: "Yes. But we should've been killers."

Down the ladder: Sonnet

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Arithmetic Mean: 8.428572
Weighted score: 5.922085
Overall Rank: 1417
Posted: June 6, 2005 5:49 AM PDT; Last modified: June 6, 2005 5:55 AM PDT
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Comments:
[5] deleted user @ 81.69.23.196 | 6-Jun-05/8:36 AM | Reply
Had to fumble with my interpretation mode...I did my best, but this simply isn't my kind of teacup. A windblown story, a chaotic 'poem'.
I hope the last line does not express regret over not having had an abortion, it would be too much... I'm probably way off.

Am I oldfashioned? Yes, I'm oldfashioned.

[n/a] zodiac @ 213.186.189.175 > deleted user | 7-Jun-05/3:10 AM | Reply
It's about an abusive prophet. In other words, about as oldfashioned as you can get.
[n/a] Dental Panic @ 84.31.86.195 | 6-Jun-05/11:43 AM | Reply
I really start to like your stuff. It keeps me reading. I’ve read this, using the ‘distraction’ poem as a kind of key – how to concentrate time, guess I’m sounding a bit pretentious here but who cares.
[7] Dovina @ 69.175.32.185 | 6-Jun-05/3:14 PM | Reply
The prodigious punctuation is distracting. Shorter lines with half as many : " , etc., would be more readable. It rambles too much for "free verse." Prose poem maybe. Still, a good story.
[n/a] zodiac @ 213.186.189.175 > Dovina | 7-Jun-05/2:47 AM | Reply
Just out of curiosity, what did you make of it?
[n/a] zodiac @ 213.186.189.175 > Dovina | 7-Jun-05/2:51 AM | Reply
PS-I just read an Adrienne Rich poem that used triple spacebar-hits and line-ends for punctuation. I thought you'd like to know.
[7] Dovina @ 69.175.32.185 > zodiac | 7-Jun-05/9:49 AM | Reply
I should have said it's a good story right up to the last few lines, where the irony attempt seems flawed. The prayer to the prophet and the "killers" line are not made clear.
[n/a] zodiac @ 212.118.19.91 > Dovina | 8-Jun-05/9:49 PM | Reply
I agree. Yes.

But then, the cousin's right. I don't understand it, or understand only in the most removed way. I have a feeling if I were an alcoholic or otherwise defeated by the world/God, I'd understand better.

Interestingly, I was thinking while writing about the little room in most mosques where women have to go pray, and how they should get in there and party or plot God's death rather than praying to the One who's made their lives so shitty. Of course, they DO pray, and harder than most male Muslims, which is the point. I ended up dropping everything referring to the Middle East from the actual poem (except how here dovecotes are on the ground or roof, not on poles like in America), but I'd like to think it's still there, somewhere.
[7] Dovina @ 69.175.32.185 > zodiac | 9-Jun-05/3:25 PM | Reply
Someone who returned from an Islamic country told me she talked with a woman who had been raped. The woman told her that her greatest concern was not disease, disgrace, possible prgnancy, or the injuries she had suffered, but that her husband might find out. Then she would become unclean in his eyes and be outcast from society.
[5] deleted user @ 81.69.23.196 > Dovina | 9-Jun-05/5:26 PM | Reply
She has my blessing to use scissors on two pricks: her rapist's and her husband's.
[n/a] zodiac @ 212.118.19.246 > Dovina | 11-Jun-05/12:10 AM | Reply
I don't know what "outcast from society" would mean here, but the rest of it is true, give or take.

The harder part to get is that most women here GENUINELY BELIEVE in the system and uphold it to the death.
[7] Dovina @ 84.173.251.118 > zodiac | 24-Jul-05/7:01 AM | Reply
To be worth as much as a camel is a position I envy. It is giving, isn't it, that counts and that makes happy. If I live to give happiness, is not that the greatest worth?
[n/a] zodiac @ 212.118.19.130 > Dovina | 26-Jul-05/1:12 AM | Reply
If you live to give happiness, how can you have any certainty the net happiness of the world is increased? People could just be lying and saying "Oh, I love lilacs!" or "Great party, Dovina!" If you live for your own happiness, and assuming happiness for you doesn't mean garrotting toddlers or something, then aren't you at least sure to increase the happiness of the world by a small amount? And who really believes their own happiness requires somebody else's harm?

Because I have a feeling murderous or abusive deviance is going to come up somewhere, I'll go ahead and say I think people who supposedly get off on murder or hurting others are products of your philosophy (ie, living for your own pleasure rather than somebody else's is somewhat sinful) and not mine. At least that's what I get from movies and a kind of haphazard experience in mental health: If the guy weren't taught it's shameful to engage in normal sex/emoting/whatever, he'd probably do that instead of some furtive and twisted version of it.
[8] Joshua_Tree @ 68.230.105.101 | 20-Jun-05/9:27 AM | Reply
This poem captures a poignant moment in the healing process. The hesitency to voice the nature of the transgressions represents an obstacle to healing, while the capacity to at least allude to the issue represents hope.
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