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Dovecote (Free verse) by zodiac

(for Bevy, from abroad) I'll call you, evenings, to hear the world's busyness. The hang in your voice, the kids burbling in the background, the slop and clatter of dishes in the sink. It's easier with seven hours' span of the world between us. Like hindsight - you could tell me how I've come to be lying just after midnight here with my face pressed on the cool washcloth of a kitchen floor. And I - I'd tell you what comes - after: the dishes filed in their rack, the kids packed off to bed, there comes a moment, always, however brief, when you're alone. Oh, I know the physics, how a day exists all at once. And for that matter (if you stretch the principle enough) how a year, or all the time worth counting, girdles the universe like a child's scrawl. That's why I call, nights: to greet you with lost time, the not-vacuum of transocean phoning, a hush meaning, "Bevy, same-age cousin, middle sister of prodigious smoke-ring blowers." And you: "Oh, it's Ricky." Then, "How've you BEEN?" Meaning, "drunk, and did you ever find that happiness the world seemed offering like a haze-line that might've been far woods when we were thirteen and scab-kneed?" I tell her, "Hey" (a croak, this,) "Hey, I was thinking 'bout that place you shared one summer with your mom and one you called, alternately, Father, Uncle and Prophet. You'd commandeered an empty dovecote, I remember, some relic, or fantasy, of antebellum, where you'd go, mornings. Waiting, I think, for the different kind of hush saying the day - or he - had awoken..." "Yes?" you'll say, knowing. "But hey, what did you DO there?" Thinking smoke-rings, love, beers from The Prophet's cooler. Or - "Nothing." "Nothing." And in the long quiet after, I'll hear your youngest has tipped over her paintwater spreading a green-brown rainbow across the table, and life does - it should, though - carry on, regardless. You'll say, "Oh Ricky, but you wouldn't understand it: we waited - and, well, it was something a little like praying." "Like praying?" "Yes. Yes. We prayed to him, I can't explain it." "Of course," I'll say. "The funny thing is, I know." You, like a concession: "Yes. But we should've been killers."

zodiac 26-Jul-05/1:12 AM
If you live to give happiness, how can you have any certainty the net happiness of the world is increased? People could just be lying and saying "Oh, I love lilacs!" or "Great party, Dovina!" If you live for your own happiness, and assuming happiness for you doesn't mean garrotting toddlers or something, then aren't you at least sure to increase the happiness of the world by a small amount? And who really believes their own happiness requires somebody else's harm?

Because I have a feeling murderous or abusive deviance is going to come up somewhere, I'll go ahead and say I think people who supposedly get off on murder or hurting others are products of your philosophy (ie, living for your own pleasure rather than somebody else's is somewhat sinful) and not mine. At least that's what I get from movies and a kind of haphazard experience in mental health: If the guy weren't taught it's shameful to engage in normal sex/emoting/whatever, he'd probably do that instead of some furtive and twisted version of it.




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