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Impeccable mess (Free verse) by sk8rs_rule_all
Dont forget me world, as I am lost in the darkness of you. I want to come out and play, but I am forever chained to the feelings of yesteryear. Get back into my heart, for I have lost you. I have lost my love in this impeccable mess of mine. I've lost my spot in line, the line of life. Dont give up what you have to get back there. I gave up what I had, just to get back here. Dont forget me world, as I am lost in the darkness of you. I want to come out and play, but I am forever chained to the feelings of yesteryear. I wont give up what I have to get back there again. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. I was slipping into an abyss of love and anger, and lost my way. I reach for the rope looking for a way out, and you pulled me through. Dont forget me world, as I am lost in the darkness of you. I want to come out and play, but I am forever chained to the feelings of yesteryear. Listen to your "friends" lying all around you, telling you things. They've ripped apart my heart, and have made you bleed out. You've bled yourself free of hate and anger. I was once torn, and you helped me.

Up the ladder: castle of pandas
Down the ladder: am i right?

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Arithmetic Mean: 3.5
Weighted score: 4.5965877
Overall Rank: 12550
Posted: June 15, 2005 11:38 AM PDT; Last modified: June 15, 2005 11:38 AM PDT
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Comments:
[6] lil_evil_boi @ 70.68.76.244 | 15-Jun-05/4:39 PM | Reply
Hmm...quite a lengthy poem there. It's like a short stroy. O well...I guess different poets have their unique ways to present their poems. And apparently your one of them. Perhaps try putting this "paragraph-like" poem into individual sentences? Maybe that'll make it more appealing and facinating. Just a suggestion. -6-
[1] deleted user @ 81.69.23.196 | 15-Jun-05/7:08 PM | Reply
A textform as massive as a granite block. So popular, these days. So easy to write, too.
>>I was once torn and you helped me<<
>>I reach for the rope looking for a way out and you pulled me through<<
No further comment.
[n/a] zodiac @ 212.118.16.50 > deleted user | 18-Jun-05/1:15 AM | Reply
Dont forget
me world, as I am lost
in the darkness of you.
I want to
come out and play,
but I am forever chained
to the feelings of
yesteryear.

Get back into my heart, for I
have lost you. I have lost my
love in this impeccable
mess of mine. I've lost my spot
in line, the line
of life.

Dont give up what you have
to get back there. I gave
up what I had, just to get
back here. Dont forget me
world, as I am lost in
the darkness of you.

I want to
come out and play,
but I am forever chained
to the feelings of
yesteryear.

I wont give up
what I have to get
back there again. The grass
isn't always greener on
the other side. I
was slipping into an abyss
of love and anger, and lost my way. I reach
for the rope
looking for a way out,
and you pulled me through. Dont
forget me world, as I
am lost in the darkness of you.

I want to
come out and play,
but I am forever chained
to the feelings of
yesteryear.

Listen
to your "friends" lying
all around you, telling
you things. They've
ripped apart
my heart, and have made you
bleed out. You've bled
yourself free of hate and anger.

I was once torn, and you helped me.

Better now? Took me two minutes. I could have fixed the grammar too in five. Please stop making the following assumptions: #1. Long-lined or prosy poems are more popular now than usual. #2. Long-lined or prosy poems are easier to write well than other poems.

Instead, why not comment on how this poem uses the word "yesteryear" and is basically a soggy broomhead in a mushbucket of cliche?
[1] deleted user @ 81.69.23.196 > zodiac | 18-Jun-05/10:48 AM | Reply
You really believe you've turned the text into a poem, Zodiac? You made reading easier, that's all. It's still a pile of boring platitudes. 'I reach for the rope, you pull me through', jesus.
[1] deleted user @ 81.69.23.196 > deleted user | 18-Jun-05/10:50 AM | Reply
Oh, I see at the end that is what you meant...but why should I spend time to dwell on what is obvious?
[5] Dovina @ 69.175.32.185 | 16-Jun-05/12:44 PM | Reply
"impeccable mess" says a lot. The rest of the poem wanders.
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