Replying to a comment on:

Impeccable mess (Free verse) by sk8rs_rule_all

Dont forget me world, as I am lost in the darkness of you. I want to come out and play, but I am forever chained to the feelings of yesteryear. Get back into my heart, for I have lost you. I have lost my love in this impeccable mess of mine. I've lost my spot in line, the line of life. Dont give up what you have to get back there. I gave up what I had, just to get back here. Dont forget me world, as I am lost in the darkness of you. I want to come out and play, but I am forever chained to the feelings of yesteryear. I wont give up what I have to get back there again. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. I was slipping into an abyss of love and anger, and lost my way. I reach for the rope looking for a way out, and you pulled me through. Dont forget me world, as I am lost in the darkness of you. I want to come out and play, but I am forever chained to the feelings of yesteryear. Listen to your "friends" lying all around you, telling you things. They've ripped apart my heart, and have made you bleed out. You've bled yourself free of hate and anger. I was once torn, and you helped me.

zodiac 18-Jun-05/1:15 AM
Dont forget
me world, as I am lost
in the darkness of you.
I want to
come out and play,
but I am forever chained
to the feelings of
yesteryear.

Get back into my heart, for I
have lost you. I have lost my
love in this impeccable
mess of mine. I've lost my spot
in line, the line
of life.

Dont give up what you have
to get back there. I gave
up what I had, just to get
back here. Dont forget me
world, as I am lost in
the darkness of you.

I want to
come out and play,
but I am forever chained
to the feelings of
yesteryear.

I wont give up
what I have to get
back there again. The grass
isn't always greener on
the other side. I
was slipping into an abyss
of love and anger, and lost my way. I reach
for the rope
looking for a way out,
and you pulled me through. Dont
forget me world, as I
am lost in the darkness of you.

I want to
come out and play,
but I am forever chained
to the feelings of
yesteryear.

Listen
to your "friends" lying
all around you, telling
you things. They've
ripped apart
my heart, and have made you
bleed out. You've bled
yourself free of hate and anger.

I was once torn, and you helped me.

Better now? Took me two minutes. I could have fixed the grammar too in five. Please stop making the following assumptions: #1. Long-lined or prosy poems are more popular now than usual. #2. Long-lined or prosy poems are easier to write well than other poems.

Instead, why not comment on how this poem uses the word "yesteryear" and is basically a soggy broomhead in a mushbucket of cliche?




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001