Dovina
replying on Words by Dovina
18 Aug 2005, 10:15 AM
The word at the start of s2 is "Resting" so I don't understand. I hate to see you pissed off and will do anything to make you happy (almost).
That works for me too.
I think all the stanzas have a submissive beat. The angel is submissive to the Teacher and to his task. The woman is submissive to being comforted by the angel, even as he fails. And the woman in the last verse, who is finally comforted, is submissive to the angel. Could you explain what you mean?
The full stop at the end of s2 is there for grammarâs sake. But I see how it breaks the flow, and may do well to disappear.
It flows beatifully except for the last line. Needs one more beat I think. "and she knew he understood(Dadum)."
PS. beatifully was a pun.
See usage note for "He" at Dictionary.com
I don't think your either racist or a chauvinist but I do think "Everyone has his own problems" is chauvinistic in the tradition of so many other words that put him and not her into the words spoken by MANkind. The immigrant comment you must admit did appear to have an ever so slight racist undertone.
"We all have our own problems" sounds fine to me and maybe even is a little more self-inclusive.
This is a pretty chillin poem man.....
"Gunshot wounds to the heart tend,
To rain less than they pour,
A reality not occured well in,
The land of unhinged doors,"
That's pretty intense -9-
Lindz14
Fantastic. A privilege to read. -10- and favourite.
Very poignant.
Curious. May I ask why?
Ooh. Philosophical poetry. I like. -8-
How odd. -8-
It reminds me of the seasonal-depression I expierience. The winter is horrible. The summer is awesome. You're poem is alright.
Lindz14
on My Mornings were Filled with Nightmares and Pies by T. Jonathron Remp
17 Aug 2005, 4:39 PM
Wow...This is great -10-
Lindz14
I'm not trying to sound like an elitist because it isn't bad, it just doesn't sound unlike anything I've heard before,
if you get what I'm saying
i think its good u have to try hard to forget me........o and thanx for the lesson
Why am I paying you to give me the willies?
My first instinct was -ace. then I went and read the other comments. stupid me. I agree with <~>. I disagree with Mona Lisa and Shuush.