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Home (Free verse) by Bethy Smoke blew from
her painted lips
A mini skirt
stretched around her hips
Her breasts were tucked
in a lacey blue bra
She hated her mother
and loved her paw
She walk up and down
the dimly lit street
Red leather pumps
blistered her feet
Black dye covered
her beautiful hair
she, do anything
but go back there...
Up the ladder:
Friends without Faces
Down the ladder:
slice of moonlight
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.3333335
Posted: August 9, 2005 5:25 PM PDT; Last modified: August 9, 2005 5:25 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.62753 Overall Rank: 2207 Comments:
I like the rhythm.
She walked up and down paw > pa? The last 2 lines confuse. Maybe you mean "she'd do anything but go back there"
Thank you Dovina, paw is something that us hillbillies use, lol...and this is a young woman who does not want to go back there...Home... :) Bethy
Better.
Last few lines don't seem to fit as well as the rest, particularly the penultimate. Seems to me like "She'd do anything" would work better, but it's your poem.
And I still give you a -9-
Yes..I agree...I tried it and it does work..thankyou...variation and changes make things better...:) :) Bethy
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Thank you Sparky :) Bethy