Replying to a comment on:

Home (Free verse) by Bethy

Smoke blew from her painted lips A mini skirt stretched around her hips Her breasts were tucked in a lacey blue bra She hated her mother and loved her paw She walk up and down the dimly lit street Red leather pumps blistered her feet Black dye covered her beautiful hair she, do anything but go back there...

Bobjim 18-Aug-05/7:12 AM
Last few lines don't seem to fit as well as the rest, particularly the penultimate. Seems to me like "She'd do anything" would work better, but it's your poem.
And I still give you a -9-




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001